The Kids Aren't Alright
by eruditedauntlessness
Summary: Ever since the fall of SHIELD Nat's nightmares have gotten worse and all she needs is a friend - Steve seems to be able to help and maybe that friendship could turn into something more...? Rated M for little things.
1. I Can't Make You Love Me

**Hey people, this is my first story so be nice but do tell me what you think. If you think Nat or Steve are a bit OOC let me know... ;) Just to clarify, these aren't one shots, it's one big story.**

**PS sorry about the crappy chapter titles... my Romanogers playlist dictates my life atm. **

**I don't own any of these amazing characters... (wish I did though..)**

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Natasha rolled onto her other side for what seemed like the millionth time that night. She gazed at her alarm clock: 3:27. She sighed. It's not like she wanted to sleep but she couldn't keep going on like this, not sleeping. One of these days she'll get herself killed on an op because she's so tired. She kicked off the covers and got out of bed.

Clint was in Bahrain with Bucky on his first mission since he got back, Steve was in Zürich, God knows where the Director had sent the Maximoff twins this time and Thor was on his honeymoon with Jane; the other boys wouldn't be awake. Tony stopped having nightmares after him and Pepper had Beatrice, something about her took all of that away. Granted, she was a gorgeous kid.

Natasha opened her balcony window and stared at the New York skyline, trying to remember why she used to find it beautiful, because now, it just looked like a bunch of ugly lights. She barely knew why she was still here. She always has and always will blame herself for everything she's done even though she knows deep down that it was Ivan and the Red Room. It wasn't until Clint took her in that she realised that and now that she was part of a team that reminded her every day she had slowly begun to forgive herself; she was the only one who hadn't yet... but that didn't mean the nightmares didn't come, that she didn't wake up screaming, in a cold sweat, needing to be sick to try get rid of the black hole in her stomach. She thinks it's stupid that she should feel so alone as well, what with her boys to take care of her. Her train of thought was interrupted by JARVIS:

'Miss Romanoff, Captain Rogers has returned from Switzerland; he is en-route to the living area upstairs if you'd care for the company.'

'Thanks J.' Natasha slipped on a hoodie and crept upstairs.

'Welcome home Cap.' She murmured from the doorway. He was in the kitchen; he had his back to her, stirring something.

'Hi Natasha,' She could almost hear him smile, 'what are you doing up so early, or late?' he turned to look at her but she didn't answer. 'Nat?' he wiped his hands on a tea towel and went to her. He placed his hands on her shoulders. 'What's going on?' she looked down, her lip trembling. He lifted her chin, a tear escaping one eye. 'Hey,' he whispered, 'talk to me Nat.' She wrapped her arms around his middle and he enveloped her in one of his famous bear hugs. She shook in his arms but didn't cry anymore than that one tear. 'It's okay, you're okay. Я здесь.' She let out a choked laugh at that.

'I know.' She said into his chest.

'So, you gonna tell me what's going on?'

'I can't sleep.'

'Nightmares?' she nodded.

'And I'm finding it harder and harder to justify why I'm still here.'

'Natasha you need to forgive yourself.'

'I know, I know, but that's not gonna bring the people I killed back, is it Steve.' She'd pulled away from him, she was shouting and didn't even realise. She put a hand over her mouth, shaking her head. 'I'm sorry' she whispered.

'It's okay, I know.'

'I just-' she cut herself off.

'Nat, it wasn't your fault. There is no doubt in my mind that if you'd known what you were doing, you wouldn't have done it.' Steve took her hands and sat her at a chair on the kitchen island.

'You don't know that.'

'I do. I do know that because I know you.'

'I'm such a monster.' She looked at her lap.

'No you're not.'

'You know what I've done Steve, you know at least that's not true.' Steve shook his head and carried on preparing whatever it was he was preparing before.

'I read this play once. It was about a girl who was sent to England from Nazi Germany during the War, she grew up in Manchester and one day she told her daughter: "You can't let people who hate you tell you what you are." Natasha, you are not a monster.' He stopped and took her hands again. 'You are an amazing, brave, intelligent and loyal person. Sure you're the coffee monster but we all agreed on that so that doesn't really count does it?' her hands curled around his and he brought them to his lips and kissed them. He found her eyes. 'Okay?' she nodded.

'Okay.' She smiled at him and leant her forehead against his. 'Thank you Steve.'

'Anytime, you know that. Now will you let me finish making our midnight snack?'

'Our midnight snack?'

'JARVIS told me you were up so I thought I'd make a midnight snack for two.' Steve got a pan out of the cupboard and poured the mix he'd made into it.

'Pancakes? At this hour?'

'Breakfast for dinner! I haven't eaten since Zürich and believe it or not, I hate connecting flights more than Tony. We had to stop off in London to pick up Bobbi and then we both had to fly commercially.' He fished around in the fridge for some bacon and added it to another pan to put on the stove.

A few minutes later they were munching on Steve's cinnamon pancakes and bacon.

'How often do you get nightmares?' he asked between mouthfuls.

'On and off, but ever since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. it's been almost every night.'

'That's a lot of sleep deprivation.'

'No shit, Sherlock.' She kicked his shin under the table.

'Sorry. Well I'm usually up if you want the company.'

'Thanks, but you don't want to have to deal with me all the time.'

'Yes I do. I offered, Nat. I wouldn't have if I didn't want to. Even Captain America has selfish moments.' Steve cleared their plates and then offered her his hand. 'Come on. Let's get some shut-eye before the rest of the team are up.'

'Steve, did you forget that whole conversation?'

'No. I just want to see if something works. If it doesn't then I'll cook you breakfast for the rest of the month.'

'Deal.' She said sceptically.

He opened the door to his flat two floors down from hers. She followed him to his bedroom and he opened the door for her.

'Ladies first.' She rolled her eyes and went in. He slipped into the bathroom and emerged seconds later in a pair of pyjama trousers. 'Don't worry; I'm not planning what you think. Make yourself comfortable.' She tucked herself under the covers and Steve slipped in as well. They stared at each other for a moment 'I hate to see you like this, Nat. I want to help. Promise me you'll try and sleep?' he whispered.

'I'll try.' He shuffled closer to her, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. She rolled over so his chest rested against her back. She closed her eyes and sighed contently. Steve waited until he thought she was asleep before whispering:

'I love you Natasha.' Before he himself fell asleep. Natasha opened her eyes and smiled slightly before closing her eyes for good this time.

**Hey again, hope you like it so far! Do tell me what you think! **

**PS: the play Steve's talking about is 'Kindertransport' by Diane Samuels - it's actually pretty good if any of you are theatre people. **

**Я здесь - I'm here.**

** ;) x**


	2. Arsonist's Lullaby

_Natasha looked around, there were men chasing her. Her red locks were long again; a fringe touched the edge of her vision. They were shouting at her in Portuguese as she ran down the ward's corridor. She stopped and turned expertly throwing a pair of knives from her utility belt. They connected with her chasers' throats and they dropped dead. The alarm hadn't been sounded yet – she still had time to complete her mission. She turned left at the end of the corridor and pushed through the door into the paediatrics' ward. As she went she taped thermite to the walls and doorframes of the private hospital rooms. Finally she found a larger room full of sick children and taped more thermite everywhere while they asked her who she was and what she was doing. She never answered. Then she ran straight through the room to the large window at the other end. Just as she crashed through the glass she pressed the detonator in her hand. When she landed she was on a short shingle beach. She stood up and ran. She heard a shot fired and dropped to the ground again. When she got up again the dream changed again, the Winter Soldier was standing in front of her; he hadn't shot her this time. He grabbed her throat with his metal arm._

_'_You're a monster Natalia. You deserve to die.' _He growled at her in Russian. _

Steve was roused from his sleep by Natasha hyperventilating in her sleep. She thrashed out with her arm, punching an imaginary assailant.

'No... no...' she whimpered, 'I'm sorry, I have to...' she continued. Steve put an arm on her shoulder.

'Natasha, shhh, wake up.' She gripped her pillow flinching, sobbing. 'Nat!' suddenly she screamed, a blood-chilling, mortifying scream, not of fear but excruciating pain. Steve shook her harder. 'Natasha, wake up! Nat, it's me. Wake up!' He tried to hold her down as she thrashed out again. 'Nat! Stop it!' her eyes flew open and she inhaled as though she had been under water for too long.

'Steve.' Her voice cracked. Steve unpinned her and stayed kneeling on the bed next to her. She sat up and threw her arms around him, holding on to him for dear life as she sobbed. He hugged her fiercely, whispering in her ear.

'Shh, Nat. It's alright, it was just a nightmare. You're alright, it wasn't real.' She suddenly let go of him and ran to his bathroom. He followed instantly to find her throwing up in his toilet. He pulled her hair out of the way and stroked her back to sooth her. 'Hey, it's okay, breathe Nat.' Once the nausea subsided, Steve flushed the toilet and got her a glass of water to rinse her mouth with.

'Do you want to talk about it.' He asked tentatively.

'I throw up after nightmares. It's the guilt I guess.'

'No, I meant the nightmare. Sometimes it helps.' She didn't say anything at first. Then,

'It doesn't change much, it's always the same actually. I go through the motions, what I feel most guilty about and then what I went through at the Red Room...'

'It changed last night, didn't it?'

'How did you know?' she looked at him, almost scared. _I love you. _She loved him too, right? Deep down maybe? She knew that but there was no way she could admit it to herself, let alone him. He couldn't be a part of her hell. It wasn't fair to him.

'You started by saying it doesn't change much. Surely that means something was different.' That's when she snapped.

'Steve I didn't accept your help for a chance for you to psychoanalyse me. What goes on in my head is none of your business. I don't want to talk about it.' And with that, she left his apartment. He sighed and shook his head. Maybe he'd overstepped.


	3. Clean

At ten thirty he made his way upstairs for breakfast with the team.

'Hey Cap, how was Zürich?' Tony pulled him into a hug, patting him on the back, 'did you bring back any schnitzel?'

'That's Austria, Tony.' Bruce said, exasperated.

'Same thing, it's all German to me.'

'Where's Natasha?' asked Steve, picking a pain-au-chocolat off the platter on the island.

'No idea, probably in the gym. Why?' replied Tony, shrugging.

'Just wondering. She never misses pastries.'

'True...' said Bruce, chewing on his croissant.

'What's true?' Natasha's voice came from the doorway. The three boys turned around.

'Hey Nat.' they said in unison.

'Hey Cap, how was Switzerland.' She went up and hugged him. He faltered slightly before answering.

'Cold.' He said, rather too sternly.

'That answer was cold.' Said Tony into his cup of coffee. Steve left his pastry where it was.

'I'm gonna go and train.'

'What about breakfast?' called Tony.

'I'll see you all for lunch.' He called back.

'You'd better! It's your turn to cook!' he shouted as Steve got into the elevator.

'What's up with him?' Tony rolled his eyes. 'Cap's never moody.' The other two shrugged. Nat took a bit out of Steve's abandoned pain-au-chocolat, chewing carefully, trying to keep the food down.


	4. Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

Steve picked up a fourth punching bag and began punching. He wasn't confused by what had upset her at all, just the way she reacted at breakfast. He knew she was hurting but even if he was just helping her as a friend, he was doing something. He cared about her as a person, not just like that – she was a member of his team. With a final roundhouse kick he knocked the punch bag of its chain. He moved to the empty boxing ring next. It served as a good makeshift dojo where he could practice his karate – Tony had told him to take lessons in a new marshal art and karate really appealed to him. He was already a fourth dan black belt. He practiced his kata for a while until he heard Tony making chicken noises from the other end of the training hall. Steve stopped.

'What do you want, Tony?' he sighed.

'Why were you so rude to Red this morning?'

'I don't know.' He lied. 'I'm still a bit jetlagged I guess. I'll go and apologise later.'

'Are you sure it's just that?'

'Yeah, why?'

'I don't know, call it a hunch, but I think something's happened between you two but you don't want to admit it's bugging you.'

'How d'you figure that?'

'I don't know, the way you looked at her earlier... but hey, I'm no love guru. Two years ago I was the worst boyfriend Pepper could've asked for but-'

'It's not like that Stark.' Steve groaned.

'Really? Because that's not what she told me.'

'What do you-' Steve suddenly turned beet red, the tips of his ears burning. 'She heard me say that?'

'Look,' Tony put a hand on his shoulder, 'it probably freaked her out a bit – you know how she is. Just let her handle it her way and don't say anything about it. Also, I didn't talk to you about it. Also, lunch better be good, you owe me.' And with that he left, whistling Black Sabbath.

**Hey again, let me know what you think? Too many emotions too fast or what? **


	5. Natasha

Steve headed up to the common room upstairs to find it empty. He set to work making a proper Mediterranean paella but without prawns because Bruce is allergic and Natasha doesn't like them. The guys arrived when they smelt Steve's cooking from the lab and Natasha arrived minutes later. It was a quiet lunch. Tony was deliberately silent, observing the tension between the super soldier and spy and Bruce was far to concerned with his food to get involved.

'Okay, well Bruce and I should probably get back to fixing Lola for Phil. Should we all go out dancing tonight? How about that club you found, Cap? The twins are back from Indonesia this afternoon.' Tony stood up and clapped his hands together.

'Sounds good.' Said Steve. Bruce nodded and Natasha shrugged.

'Sweet,' Tony nodded, 'thanks for the lunch Cap. Come on Bruce.' And he left, with Bruce in tow.

'I'd better do the dishes.' Said Steve, picking up everyone's empty plates.

'Let me help.' Natasha started to get up.

'I've got it.' Steve didn't even look at her.

'Steve...' she sighed. He put the plates down. It was his turn to sigh.

'I'll wash, you dry.'

For a while they washed plates and pans in silence. Then, Natasha turned off the tap and put down the dish she was drying.

'Steve, I'm sorry for this morning.' He didn't say anything; she could see his jaw clench and his shoulders tense. 'Steve...' finally he put down the bowl he was washing. He dried his hands slowly and deliberately and then put his arms around her and she tentatively hugged him back.

'You didn't do anything wrong. Why are you apologising?' he murmured into her hair. 'I'm the one that put you under pressure to talk about it.' He tried his best not to think about what he'd said the night before.

'Yes, but you were only trying to help and I lashed out at you. I know I shouldn't have.'

'It's alright, Nat.' He swayed her slightly as he hugged her.

'What did I ever do to deserve you?' she muttered into Steve's chest.

'Nah, I'm not all that.' He chuckled, 'I just want to know what Tony did to deserve Pepper.' And they both laughed at this.

'Steve?'

'Hmm?'

'Can you do me a favour?'

'Anything, Natasha.'

'Can we try again tonight? I don't know, I just feel...safer, maybe with someone around. Also you're a great spooning partner.' He guffawed at her comment.

'I could say the same about you, when you're not trying to punch me in your sleep.' She shoved him. 'Of course we can, Nat.' He kissed her forehead and hugged her again.

'Okay, I've gotta go and meet Bobbi, Sharon, and Maria for coffee.' She pulled away from him embrace.

'You four having a girly coffee? Who would've thought.'

'Hey! You try living with six men and only one other girl.'

Steve held up his hands in defeat. As she turned around he grabbed her hand.

'Call if you need me okay?' she nodded.

'See you later Cap.'


	6. Like Real People Do

It was around four and Steve was drawing in his room when his phone rang.

'Nat, what's up?'

'Hey,' her voice was shaky, 'Steve would you mind coming to get me? I, uh, kind of... can you just get here ASAP?'

'Of course, where are you?'

'The team's favourite diner on 73rd.'

'I'll be there in ten.' He hung up and grabbed his jacket off the back of the door. He raced down the stairs to the garage and raced off on his bike.

He found Natasha sitting on the steps outside the diner with Bobbi sitting next to her with her arm around her. He parked his Harley and ran to them.

'Hey Steve.' Bobbi stood up and led him slightly away from Natasha.

'What happened?'

'Anxiety attack. A bit like the ones Tony used to get. Not quite sure what the trigger was but it's been about twelve months since she's had one and that was when S.H.I.E.L.D. fell. My guess is she had a flashback or something but who knows.'

'I'll take care of it. Thanks Bobbi. How's Lance by the way? I heard you two were back together.' He tried to lighten the mood a little.

'We are, he's in Miami with Phil's team at the moment. He's trying to get the Director to grant him leave a week early so we can spend some time together.' Steve nodded.

'Hope everything works out for you two. He's a great guy, Lance, and you're the opposite to what he used to say about you.'

'You know about that?'

'I was on the Bus for one op a while ago and they were joking about it.' Bobbi nodded. Steve moved to Natasha and knelt next to her.

'Hey, Nat,' he put a hand gently on her knee, 'what's going on?'

'Can we go home?' she sounded almost like a child and it almost broke Steve's heart that she was reduced to such a fearful state.

'Yeah, of course we can.' Steve scooped her up in his arms and put her on the back of the Harley and they took the ten-minute ride back to the tower.

He carried her all the way to his floor and placed her on his bed, taking off her shoes and tucking her underneath the covers. She lay there in silence and Steve watched her.

'Natasha, talk to me.' He took her hand.

'Ivan hurt the team.' She blurted out. 'That's what happened in the dream. That was the new part.' She swallowed. 'I wouldn't cooperate – I wouldn't kill my target so he hurt you and Clint and Bruce and everyone, all because of me. It was all my fault. I just couldn't stop thinking about it...' Her eyes welled up and her breathing quickened. Steve hushed her, drawing circles on her hand.

'I'll never let that happen, Nat. He'll never hurt you again.'

'I don't want any of you to get hurt because of me.'

'Shh. Nat you need to rest. You're overtired. Have a nap before we go out tonight.'

'But I-' she didn't want to fall asleep.

'I'll be right here. I won't move, I swear.' He got under the covers next to her. She rested her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, protecting her from the nightmares that might attempt to plague her slumber. And protect her he did.


	7. It's Been A Long, Long Time

He eased her out of sleep half an hour before they were meant to leave so that she could get ready. When she arrived at the garage all the boys were smartly dressed in trousers and button downs on Steve's request because they were going to a 40s club he'd found. She wore a simple backless black dress and a pair of modest heels. When she saw the twins she went and hugged them, greeting them in Russian, thankful to have another girl to keep her company, what with Pepper away in London.

They ate dinner en route, picking up some pizzas. Twenty minutes later they arrived at the club. There was a stretch of floor cleared for dancing, only a few couples were on it and tables dotted around the edges of the room. They pushed a couple of tables together and sat down. Steve pulled up a chair for Natasha and then for Wanda only to have Pietro laugh and say:

'You are the only one who does this for her. I don't even bother.' Steve just shrugged.

'Force of habit I guess.' He replied as he sat down next to Natasha. They didn't do anything for a long time, just enjoyed each other's company; Tony throwing olives at Pietro to see if he could catch them. He could. An elderly man approached Steve and tapped his shoulder.

'Captain Rogers, I just wanted to welcome you to the Stork Club. My uncle ran this place in the 40s and he told me so many stories about you and that dame of yours Carter; she came here a lot.'

'Thank you for having us all here; I hope you don't mind such a crowd.'

'Not at all sir,' he shook his head, 'say, could I show you something real quick?' Steve nodded and followed him. Around the other side of the bar he found himself face to face with old Captain America posters, newspaper cut outs and a signed photograph of Howard Stark. His eyes then fell on a photo of a dancing Peggy. Her smile astonished him, as ever. She was dancing with none other than Dum Dum Dugan. They must've come to celebrate the end of the war. A gentle hand on his shoulder interrupted his train of thought. He looked around to see Natasha looking up at him, worried.

'You okay, Cap?'

'Yeah,' he nodded, 'I'm fine.'

'You sure?' he took her hand.

'Nowhere in the world I'd rather be. Come on, d'you want to teach me how to dance?' Natasha laughed.

'Only if you promise not to step on my toes.'

'Can't promise anything.'

'It's alright, this one's easy. Just put your right hand on my waist and hold the other one up like this and just sway a little. Shift your feet around a bit in a circle. Exactly like that. See, it's not so hard.'

'I've got a good teacher.'

They swayed around if not slightly awkwardly for a while until Steve relaxed. Natasha drew herself closer to him, resting her head on his chest, her hand against his heart. He rested his chin on the top of her red locks.

Tony was staring at them in awe.

'Something's gotta be going on between those two.' He shook his head.

'Tony, nothing's going on, they're just good friends. They have been for ages now.' Bruce tried to reason.

'Yeah but come on. He told her he loved her...well sort of. That's gotta mean something.'

'I agree with Tony, Bruce.' Wanda chipped in.

'Me too.' Agreed her brother. 'Perhaps nothing is going on now but there is certainly something.' Bruce shrugged and watched the couple still swaying as the song came to an end. Natasha placed a kiss on Steve's cheek and murmured something to him before returning to the table.

'You catching flies Doc?' she smirked at Bruce, who was staring, mouth slightly open. He shook his head and smiled at the spy.

'Where did Steve go?' asked Tony impatiently.

'To get us some drinks.'

Steve returned minutes later with a tray of drinks and handed them out.

'One Johnny Walker blue; one Corona; one vodka sour; one Campari and orange; and one Grey Goose martini.' He sat himself down and took a swig of his own boilermaker as a chorus of "thank you Steve" ensued.

'You two were looking pretty good out there.' Tony said into his drink.

'Well, I've got a great dance teacher.' Steve put his arm around the back of Natasha's chair.

'Stop it, you're a natural Steve.' He shook his head.

'Nah.'

'Yes you are. You didn't even step on my toes.'

'Beginner's luck; I'm really not that good.'

'God, you're such an ass, just take the complement.' She punched his shoulder but he remained silent and unmoved. 'Tony, help me out here.'

'Nooo.' The billionaire held up his hands. 'I'll let you settle this one.'

'Steven Rogers, say thank you or so help me God I will permanently lend your shield to Coulson.'

'You wouldn't dare.' Steve looked at her, shocked.

'Oh I would.'

'Fine.' Steve looked at her, straight faced, 'I'm a quick learner.' He paused as she smiled, satisfied, 'but it's mostly down to your teaching.' She looked at him indignantly.

'I barely taught you anything!'

'Oh my God, will you two get a room.' Tony groaned.

'Shut up, Stark.' They said simultaneously before falling silent themselves.


	8. She Looks So Perfect

After a few more drinks and dances the gang headed back to the tower. Natasha had had enough alcohol to get drunk so she'd been scooped into Steve's arms to make the walk home less difficult and by the time they got to the tower she had sobered up...a little.

Steve dropped her unceremoniously onto his bed just to annoy her.

'That's not very gentlemanly Steve.' She said, giggling.

'Well I did have to carry you all the way home.' he flopped onto the bed next to her.

'Hey.' She said when her giggles subsided.

'Hey,' He murmured back. 'It's late.'

'I know. Can I borrow a shirt? I can't be bothered to go upstairs.'

'Sure.' Steve got up and fished his favourite blue shirt out of his cupboard, handing it to her. 'I'll give you a minute.' He left to put his own pyjama trousers on in the bathroom.

Typical Steve with the worst timing then returned to his bedroom to find Natasha only just shrugging the shirt around her shoulders and he was mesmerised by her beautiful, pale skin. Natasha noticed his presence and glanced over her shoulder.

'Like what you see Captain?' she gave him her signature smirk and Steve returned from his reverie, stammering.

'You look...uh...sorry, I was just...' he gestured to the bathroom, 'and you were...what?' he swallowed, the tips of his ears going red with embarrassment.

'Come on, Cap. Surely you're not intimidated by a lady?' she sauntered up to him, stopping right in front of him. She tilted her head up to gauge his reaction. Steve let out a nervous laugh and swallowed again.

'The...the shirt suits you, Nat.' He swallowed a third time, his mouth going dry. She stepped away from him again, pulling the duvet out so that she could get underneath it. He followed suit and tucked himself behind her after switching the light off.

'Night, Cap.'

'Night, 'Tasha.'


	9. Liquid State

_She was in one of the HYDRA labs they'd taken down a few months ago but this time she was strapped onto the slab. A man emerged from the shadows. It was Steve. He'd grown a beard. His face was stony, a look she knew all too well. He'd been wiped. _

_'Steve.' She called out. He came towards her, spinning a knife between his first two fingers and thumb. 'Steve it's me. Please wake up.' Steve drove the knife into her shoulder and she cried out in pain. 'Stop, please, Steve.' _

_'I'm not your precious Steve.' he growled in her face. He pulled the knife out sharply and she groaned_

_'Wake up. Please, Steve. Stop this.' He dragged the knife through her stomach and she cried out again, tears running down her face. 'Steve, come back.' He raised the knife again. 'Come back, I love you. Come back.' He faltered and something changing in his baby blue eyes. He stepped back and dropped the knife, staring at his hands. He went to unstrap her from the metal table, cutting her bonds with only his strength. The loud crack of a gunshot sliced through the air and Steve dropped dead. _


	10. Nick of Time

Steve's eyes flew open the minute he heard her whimper something. He propped himself up on one arm, touching Natasha's shoulder gently. Then she screamed his name and she sat bolt upright. She looked around wildly.

'Natasha, it's alright, you're safe.' She was gripping her stomach. He reached out to take her hands but she resisted. 'It's alright, you're not hurt. It wasn't real.' She removed her hands and let him hug her until her breathing returned to normal.

'Do you need to be sick?' she shook her head, staring at her lap. She couldn't shake the idea that this was still a dream.

'Hey, look at me,' he found her eyes, 'you're safe. I promise.' But when she looked at him he saw nothing but fear. 'Nat, what's wrong? Talk to me.'

'What's the first thing we talked about when we met?'

'Phil's vintage Captain America cards, why?' she wrapped her arms tightly around him, 'Nat what's wrong?'

She pulled away from him but her face stayed close to his. Her eyes darted to his mouth and then she pressed her lips to his in a fierce kiss. Placing a hand on his cheek. He rested his hands on her sides and then she pulled away.

'I...' she faltered, 'I-I uh...I' she swallowed.

'It's okay, you don't have to say anything' Steve cupped her cheek with his hand, 'I know.' He kissed her forehead and then lay down again, pulling her gently with him. He held her close to his chest and the pair fell asleep once more.

**Hello again, sorry these chapters are a bit short...they'll probably get longer. Thank you TwistedTeaCake for the review, made my day and it's only 8:40 here! I'll write as much as I can but it might get hard once I'm back at school... they block fanfiction.. and tumblr... yes, I know..BLASPHEMY! Anyways, hope you guys are still with me!**


	11. Twisted Every Way

It was Tony who woke up the sleeping pair, only stopping for a moment to admire how peaceful Natasha looked. He was glad Steve was there for her but now he had to ruin the moment. He cleared his throat theatrically before trumpeting 'the Reveille' through his fingers earning him a pillow in the face from the spy.

'Hey!' he threw the pillow back. 'Get up lovebirds. We've gotta go.'

'Where?' grumbled a sleepy Steve.

'Arkhangelsk, deep shadow. Don't wanna let them know we're coming.'

'Who's going?'

'Just the twins and us. We're meant to be taking down a base, some old place dating back to World War One. No idea how it survived this long. Nat, Phil said you could sit this one out if you wanted.'

'Why would I do that?' she rolled her eyes at the billionaire.

'It's where the Black Widow programme was developed before the Red Room.'

'Leviathan?' she asked in a small voice and Steve instinctively wrapped an arm around her.

'No, I'll go. I want to see it burn.' She murmured.

'That's what I told him,' Tony smiled fondly, 'we'll get 'em Nattie.' He planted a brotherly kiss on her forehead. 'See you on the roof in twenty.'

'You sure you want to do this?' Steve looked at her, brow furrowed and she nodded.

Steve packed for them both while Natasha went to shower and they appeared on the roof fifteen minutes later. Pietro handed out some files to the rest of the team and they climbed into the quinjet, the twins piloting. The three in the back sat in silence for a while until Tony pulled in a pair of headphones, listening to AC/DC at full volume.

'D'you want to talk about last night?' Steve asked quietly.

'No, not really.' She replied quietly.

'I mean the dream, what happened?'

'Steve, can we not talk about this right now please.'

'Sure, of course Nat. I'm sorry.' He took her hand and she squeezed it before leaning her head on his shoulder.

'It was just another bad dream, don't worry.' She sighed

'Yeah but I do worry, Nat,' she didn't say anything, 'you know you can tell me anything right.'

'Right.'

They lapsed back into silence. Nat pulled out a tatty copy of "Anna Karenina" in Russian and soon became engrossed in that. Steve tried not to think about what Natasha had said, or tried to say. He didn't want to push her too hard for fear of losing her but he needed to get to the bottom of this. So he fished his phone out of his pocked and texted Clint.

**Hello once again! I had a couple of questions regarding relationships so just to clear things up:** **1\. Nat and Clint are buds and Lance and Bobbi are a thing (I'm going to actively ignore what's going on in AoS because it makes me really sad..but I haven't seen last weeks so I don't know what happens.) and 2. Nat will eventually tell Steve her dream but you're gonna have to wait a bit..other things have to happen first... ;) tell me if you want less non-fluff fluff or more fluffy fluff or a bit more tension? Also 'the Reveille' is the trumpet piece is played after the last post it sort of means 'the waking' in French. Also Arkhangelsk means Archangel in Russian, just thought it had a nice ring to it... **

**Hope you're enjoying it still! **


	12. Bloodstream

They arrived in Arkhangelsk twelve hours later and Steve went out to get some food as the rest of the team unpacked in the safe house. When he returned Nat was on the phone, chatting to someone in Russian, pacing up and down the room.

'James, he can't know. You know how he is. He'll personally hunt down all of my enemies and probably manage to kill himself in the process. I can't let him do that.' She stopped as Bucky answered.

'I know Natalia but this is Steve. He can handle more than you give him credit for. He loves you; it's what he does. Hell, he almost walked from Italy to Austria to find me.' She almost laughed at this.

'I'm not going to tell him. Not yet.'

'Natalia it was just a dream, I'm sure nothing bad will come of it. It's not like you can actually see the future.'

'You know what our handlers used to be like, James.' Natasha stopped pacing again. She was so engrossed in her conversation that she didn't notice Steve already unpacking their dinner. 'They always look for our weaknesses.'

'So you do love him then.' Bucky said, knowingly.

'I didn't say that, James.' She replied sternly.

'You forget I know you well, Natalia.' She could hear him smirking over the phone, 'I know you almost as well as Clint does. I bet he'd agree with me if he weren't too busy reading all the specs on my arm. He still doesn't get how I can actually feel things with it.'

'Well I hope you're getting a nice tan, рыво́к.'

'I am, thanks.' He laughed. 'Promise me you'll talk to Steve?'

'Soon, I promise. Say hi to Clint for me. Пока Джеймс.'

'Пока, Наталия.'

Natasha hung up and turned around to find Steve laying the table for the five of them and she jumped slightly.

'Sorry.' He smiled at her.

'It's alright.' She went over and kissed his cheek innocently.

'So who was that?'

'James.' She replied shortly and he nodded, not pressing the matter any further.

'Where did the others go?'

'Pietro and Wanda went to scout the perimeter, make sure we're safe where we are, they should be back any second and Tony is on Skype to Pepper and Beatrice next door.' Like clockwork, the twins walked through the door.

Steve was taken aback by her stern tone, not quite sure how to react.

'Nat have I-'

'No, you haven't done anything. I'm just tired is all.' She sighed, avoiding his gaze. 'I'll get Tony.'

**Couple of Russian translations (forgive me if they're wrong if a Russian speaker is reading this..):**

**1.****рыво́к - jerk**

**2.****Пока - Bye**

**3.Джеймс - James**

**4.Наталия - Natalia**


	13. The Phoenix

It was nearly 0400 and the team were about five hundred metres from the Leviathan base.

'So let's go over this again: We're doing this Howling Commandoes style. Wanda and I will take first few levels. Tony, take the upper levels, gather as much about Leviathan as you can – the map says their main computers are up there. Natasha, you're in charge of taking the place down. Get to the basement ASAP and make sure you get out of there quickly before blowing it up. Pietro, you go in first: take out anyone you can before we get there. Kill anyone you deem a threat.' Steve instructed, 'There shouldn't be any girls still being trained here, our intel says they haven't moved from Moscow since the Cold War started so we shouldn't have any moral dilemmas to deal with; if you do find one, remember they've been trained to eliminate any threat and right now we're the threat. Tony do you want to explain this new tech?' Tony nodded and opened a small briefcase he had with him. The gear looked like the monocle he used with the Mark 42.

'Right, when you put these on they should calibrate with a retinal scan. They have a map of the compound on them. If you focus on the lens it'll show you the map and because I managed to hack into their security cameras it should tell you where the rest of the team is as well as the location of any hostiles. Focus past the lens and your vision should be normal. Don't worry, shouldn't give you a headache looking at the map.' He handed them out.

'Thanks Tony.' Said Steve, 'Okay, it's 0400 now. Pietro, if you would do the honours.'

Pietro set off at top speed and the team waited in silence for a minute or two.

'The perimeter is secure.' Pietro's voice sounded through Tony's comms. Tony nodded to Steve before he set off in the Mark whatever it was. As he left he asked JARVIS to switch on the new cloaking he'd added to the suit and he disappeared into the darkness. Natasha came up behind Steve and put a hand on his shoulder. He stayed facing forward when she spoke.

'Be careful okay.'

'You too, Natasha.' He replied, still not looking at her.

'Hey,' she cupped his cheek and made him look at her. She pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, which Steve deepened momentarily before pulling away to put his headgear on.

'Wanda, let's go.' The pair left at a run.

Wanda blew a hole in the electric fence large enough for them to both crawl through. Wanda noticed the faraway look in Steve's eyes and touched his arm to get his attention.

'Give her time, Steve.' She smiled kindly at him.

'I'm trying. I just don't know where we stand. One minute she's so open but the next she hides behind her walls and... I just want her to feel safe, especially around us.' Steve explained.

'Yes, but she has a troubled past Captain, you must remember this. I do not think she understands this kindness yet; she also has trouble trusting herself. I saw this during the war with Ultron, when I was inside her mind. She cares a great deal about you and all of us but she fears betrayal. I know this because Pietro is the same. He does not show it but he had a difficult time understanding the kindness of this team. Above all, I think she fears that the more she allows herself to care, the more danger she puts her loved ones in. She told me of her dream also. Von Strucker was the same with my brother and me – we used to expect such things... exploitation, manipulation. He once tortured my brother to get me to kill some civilians.'

'I'm sorry Wanda.'

'Do not be sorry Captain,' she gave him a sad smile, 'just know that no matter how difficult it is for you, Natasha is also struggling. She knows you love her but give her time to come to terms with this.'

'Thank you Wanda.' Steve put his arms around her. 'I'm truly sorry about von Strucker did to you. I'm glad you're with us now though.'

'Me too. Now let's get these bastards.' Steve laughed at this.

'Couldn't have said it better myself.'

'Pietro and I watch too many American cop shows I think.' Steve chuckled again.

'Come on, let's do this.' He turned his comms on, thankful that they had been off for that conversation. 'Status, Natasha.'

'Outside the fence.'

'Okay, standby for my mark.' Wanda blew open the doors and her and Steve charged in.


	14. Breath of Life

Steve threw his shield down the corridor and it ricocheted from wall to wall, taking out four guards running towards them. Steve ran and caught it in mid air as they as they turned the corner down another corridor.

'Nat, go.' Steve said into his comms.

'On it.' She replied. For the second time since World War II Steve unholstered a gun and kicked open the next door. He scouted the room, gun in his right hand, shield in his left.

'Clear.' He shouted to Wanda who was checking the next room. He heard a shout and before he knew it a man was flung into the wall outside the room. He landed unconscious on the concrete.

'Clear.'

The pair found a stairwell the end of the corridor and ran up to the next floor. It was a long hallway with a balcony on the left, the drop led to the basement. Steve looked at the map.

'Tony you've got three on your six, coming up the stairs now.'

'Thanks Cap,' Tony replied, 'got 'em.'

'Nat, how are you doing with the G4?'

'Uh, going slower than I thought. Can I get a little help here?'

'Sure, Wanda, go and help Nat.' Wanda nodded and leapt over the balcony towards the basement. Steve looked at the map again and noticed another guard two floors up on the balcony. He looked around and raised his gun hoping to catch the hostile off guard and take him out but as he turned he felt a sharp pain in his right shoulder and he fell to the ground. His mind became blurry but he blinked through it. Dendrotoxin. How did Leviathan get their hands on Icers? Thank goodness for Steve's super soldier body otherwise it would have knocked him out. He tried to stand but his legs felt like lead. Finally he managed to sit up. A couple of guards were coming down the corridor towards him. Thankfully Pietro appeared just in time to stop them but more guards were running down the stairwell towards them. They were shouting in Russian.

'Quickly Steve.' Pietro urged him, reaching out to help the soldier up. 'They are after you.' Steve took his arm and stood up, using the railing for support. Pietro handed him his shield and gun.

'How do you know?' he said between breaths.

'They said "get the soldier, the boss wants him alive."' Pietro translated before taking out the assailants coming towards them.

'Natasha, the explosives.'

'Done.'

'Get the hell up here now then.' He ordered. 'Stark, get onto the roof top now. We're gonna blow it any second now.' Natasha and Wanda found their boys and ran to them. 'Wanda wait for my mark and then blow the place.' She nodded. Natasha studied Steve.

'What happened to you?' she examined his shoulder but he pushed her hand away.

'Just Dendrotoxin, I'll be fine.' He still sounded breathless though.

'We must go.' Pietro pressed again. Steve nodded and they turned right into another corridor. Steve took the lead, shield out in front of him to break the window for their extraction. Natasha stopped dead in her tracks, this was all too familiar. Her mind was swimming with images of the hospital in São Paulo.

'Now, Wanda.' Steve shouted. There was a loud crash as the ground began to crumble around them. It was then that Steve noticed that Natasha was no longer with them. Steve stopped and turned back to the spy. 'Nat, what are you doing? Come on!' suddenly the ground between them began to crack.

'Go, Steve. Get out of here!' she shouted over the sound of G4 going off below them.

'Not without you!' he yelled back. The memory of the HYDRA base in Austria danced in front of him as he took a run up, jumping over the ever-growing crack in the concrete. He landed next to her. 'There's no way I'm leaving you here, Natasha.' The ground shook again as another block of G4 went off in the basement. 'Come on.' He grabbed her hand and they took a run up together. As the lifted off the ground he wrapped his arm around her waist and carried her to the other side of the gap. They didn't stop running once they landed. The ground was crumbling behind them. Steve threw his shield at the window, shattering it. They jumped through, Steve catching his shield in the process. They continued to the compound's fencing and looked back to see the building fall in on itself, burying hopefully what was left of Leviathan. Tony then landed on the other side of the fence tossing a hard drive from one hand to the other.

'Well wasn't that just a piece of cake.'


	15. Skin & Bones

Back at the safe house Tony was fishing bits of shattered Dendrotoxin slug out of Steve's shoulder.

'How the hell did that almost knock you out?' he muttered. 'Must've been a huge dose.'

'I don't know Tony. Just glad we're all okay.' Steve winced as Tony pulled the last bit out of him.

'That should do it,' said Tony, inspecting the metal. He glanced at Natasha who was sitting on the couch trying to pull a bit of glass out of her side. 'Do you want me to do it or do you?' he looked back at Steve.

'I'll do it, thanks Tony.'

Steve knelt in front of Natasha.

'Need a hand?' He looked up at her and she nodded, lying down on the couch to make it easier for Steve. He cut through her suit around the glass so that he could stitch it later. He then put pressure on it and Natasha sucked in air through her teeth.

'Sorry.' He looked up at her with worried eyes. 'Okay, on three.' She nodded. 'One.' He yanked the glass out of her gut and immediately placed a piece of gauze on the cut, applying pressure to stop the bleeding. She yelped as he did so.

'You son of a bitch.' She breathed.

Steve grabbed the clotting agent on the ground next to him and injected it into Natasha's side. A few minutes later he pulled the gauze away and pulled out a needle and thread to stitch up the wound.

'Thank you.' Natasha murmured once Steve had finished.

'It's alright, hope it didn't hurt too much.' He smiled up at her.

'Thank you for earlier I mean.'

'Natasha, you know I wouldn't have had it any other way.'

'I know, just... thank you.'

'Hey, you've saved my life once or twice too. I have to at least return the favour.' She smirked.

'You're starting to sound like me.'

'You're rubbing off on me I guess.' She laughed lightly.

'Natasha, what did you see before you stopped?' he asked gently, albeit bluntly.

'The children's ward I destroyed for the KGB. It was practically the same mission, only this time I was doing good.' She answered before she could stop herself. Steve nodded. 'I'm sorry; I could've killed you back there. I can't believe I let my emotions get in the way of our mission.'

'Natasha, you're human. You're allowed to feel things, remember?'

'Yes but what if I'd gotten you killed, Steve. That's something I could never wipe out of that stupid ledger of mine. I put you in danger and I can't have that. You could've died, on my watch.'

'Yeah but I didn't and you could've died on mine otherwise and I'd rather it was me than you.'

'How can you even say that Rogers?!' she raised her voice. 'I love you, how could you leave me to feel guilty like that?' she slapped her hands over her mouth, too late to stop the words leaving her mouth. Pietro, Tony and Wanda, who were previously actively ignoring the conversation looked up in Natasha's direction when she said this but Steve was too engrossed in the conversation to hear what she'd said.

'Natasha I would put everything in front of you. I'd sooner die than let anything or anyone hurt you. If it means you're alive I'd rather you be pissed at me than... wait what did you say?'

'Nothing, I-' she shook her head. 'I have to go.' She got up and left the apartment. Steve stood up too and started for the door.

'Tasha, wait!' Tony grabbed his shoulder to stop him.

'Let her go, Cap. She needs a minute...or an hour...or something.'

Steve sighed before punching a hole in the wall next to him.

'Easy, Steve, just take a breather okay. Let's talk about this.' He sat Steve down on the sofa.

'Pietro can you go and find Nat? She cannot be out alone here.' Wanda asked her brother. He nodded and left.

'This happens every time we get closer. She just hides again and I can't see how she doesn't understand.' Steve said sadly.

'Steve, remember what I told you.' Wanda sat next to him and put her arm around him.

'I know, you're right Wanda.'

'You've gotta be patient man,' Tony advised, 'it's a marathon, not a sprint.'

Natasha had collapsed in tears at the end of the hallway. Guilt was taking over her senses and the idea of Steve getting hurt because of her wouldn't get out of her head. She couldn't let anything happen to him. She'd rather die with him than live with the guilt of surviving. She didn't deserve to survive, but Steve did. Pietro sat down beside her, placing an arm around her back to comfort her. He spoke quietly in Russian. Little did they know that Wanda could hear.

'Natasha, you can't blame yourself for the near miss today. If anything, you should blame it on the KGB and the Red Room. They are the ones that made you do the things you did before - it wasn't your fault.'

'Yes but this is Steve, Питер.'

'Any of us would have done that for you and I know that you would do the same for us.' He reasoned.

'I really love him, Питер.' She wiped her eyes.

'I don't doubt that you do. I know he does as well. Why won't you accept it?'

'Because he's yet another thing that my enemies could exploit to gain my cooperation. If anything happened to him...'

'Well, there's a chance you might be in the wrong business then.' Steve quoted from the doorway.

**Hulloah as they say in Shakespeare (apparently). What do we think about Nat's crappy love confession? I'll make sure she does a proper one when Steve least expects it. She probably won't say it until then though...just to make things depressing for Steve ;) **

**Питер means Peter or Pietro by the way. **

**Hope you're still enjoying this ;) **

**Stay excellent x**


	16. High Hopes

'You speak Russian, Steve?' asked Pietro.

'Nah,' he shook his head, 'Wanda was eavesdropping.' Pietro rolled his eyes, got up and left, leaving the soldier and spy alone. Steve sat down beside her, looking at her sadly.

'Hey,' he said.

'Hi,' she sniffed, 'so you heard all that?'

'Wanda's a pretty talented translator.' Steve smiled. He took her hand and interlocked his fingers with hers. 'Did I ever tell you about the time Peggy and Howard flew me over enemy territory so that I could rescue Bucky?'

Natasha shook her head.

'I parachuted behind the German lines in Austria and for the first time since I got my super soldier serum I actually kicked some guys asses. I got the POWs out but they had Bucky in a lab. We were just about to escape but Schmidt, Red Skull, had decided to blow the place. Bucky got across safely and I said exactly what you said to me to which he replied exactly what I said to you. Anyway we marched back to our base and everything was okay.'

'What's your point?'

'What happened today, I would do it again in a heart beat, Natasha.'

'Steve...'

'Natasha, please,' he looked at her, 'I know it's...' he swallowed, 'I know it's difficult. The loss, the guilt, all of it,' His baby blue eyes shimmered with tears, 'and I just want you to know that you're not alone.'

'Steve, I'm so sorry.' She closed the gap between them, kissing him fiercely before hugging him.

'Don't be. I understand.' He whispered before pulling back to peck her on the lips again. He stood up and offered her a hand. She took it before curling into his side, wrapping an arm around his waist. He instinctively draped his across her shoulders. They walked back into the apartment and their teammates looked up at them and sighed with relief.

'Thank sweet baby Jesus for that. I do not think I could've dealt with any more tension,' he rambled, 'there is just waaayy too much sexualness and inappropriate stuff waiting to happen.'

'Can it, Stark.' Natasha quipped and Tony held up his hands in surrender.

'I told you, Steve.' Wanda smiled at the soldier and he nodded in thanks. Natasha looked at Pietro who just winked back at her.

'Okay everyone,' Steve tried to change the subject, 'quinjet arrives in an hour so let's get this packed up.'

Not seconds after he'd spoken, all five heroes were knocked off their feet as the safe house exploded around them.

**Sorry... *evil laughter*. I know it was a bit short, again but I didn't want to waffle.. I'll post more in a couple of days, promise ;) x**


	17. Not About Angels

**ALERT! If you've read up to the last chapter and you've been following since I started re-read the ending of the last chapter! New stuff happened! Otherwise, read on ;)**

It was the quinjet that found them an hour later. Tony, Pietro and Wanda were frantically piling through the debris in search of Natasha and Steve.

'I found them!' shouted Pietro. The other two ran over to help move a huge bit of concrete trapping Natasha under an unconscious Steve. They pulled the debris off of them and dragged the soldier and spy out. Natasha coughed violently, the smoke and dust coating her throat.

'Steve..' she said hoarsely as she reached for him. Steve's head was bloody, there was a cut under one eye and a crack along his hairline oozing blood. Natasha panicked when she took in all the damage. 'Steve!' she tried to shout, shaking him frantically.

'Nat, hey,' Tony reached for her pulling her away from the unconscious avenger. 'Nat, look at me, eyes here. Are you okay? How many fingers am I holding up?' but all she could do was break down in tears, the shock finally hitting her. Tony just held her. Wanda was searching for Steve's shield finally pulling it out of the dirt a few minutes later. Pietro ran to the quinjet, which had landed one hundred metres away from the wreckage. He ran back at normal speed with Bobbi, who had been piloting the quinjet, right behind.

'What the hell happened?' she asked, running straight to Natasha.

'Someone knew we were here.' Wanda explained. Bobbi nodded.

'Okay, Tony, Pietro, get Steve into the jet,' she instructed. The boys nodded and took him to the quinjet.

They lay him across the seats on one side of the jet. Natasha sat down on the floor beside him holding his hand, carding her fingers through his hair, careful not to touch the slowly healing crack in his forehead. As they took off he opened his eyes.

'It's my fault, Peggy. It's my fault Bucky's dead.' He stared up at Natasha his face grief-stricken. Natasha hushed him as he slipped back into unconsciousness.

**Sorry, short again, but this needed to happen I decided while sitting on a train.. :P please don't kill me or stop reading, they'll be ok, I promise! **


	18. Skinny Love

Steve woke up to an incessant, steady beeping. He winced as he opened his eyes to bright white lights. He looked towards the sound of the beeping and panicked. He found tubes connecting him to the machine and tried to pull them off.

'Woah, woah, woah, Cap,' a man with dark hair lay him down again, 'easy.'

'Where am I, doctor?' he asked, the disorientation panicking him further.

'Doctor?' the man snorted, 'more like mechanic.'

'What, like with cars?' Steve asked.

'Steve, are you okay?'

'No! I'm not okay, I don't know where I am, I don't know who you are!' he yelled.

'Steve, it's me, Tony,' the billionaire frowned, 'as in Tony Stark. You're in a hospital in New York, you were in an explosion.'

'Stark, like Howard Stark? Are you his brother? What is this place? This isn't a hospital.'

'Howard's my father...' Tony's stomach dropped, 'Steve, what year is it?'

'1943, why? How can you be Howard's son? You're the same age.'

'Steve...' Tony began, 'I don't know how to tell you this but it's 2015.'

'What?' Steve breathed.

'You were in an explosion about 16 hours ago and I think you have amnesia.'

'No, it can't be 2015. I was just in Austria. How am I still alive if its 2015? How am I still this young?' Steve started to cry.

'Steve, I don't know how to explain this to you but you were frozen for about 70 years before some S.H.I.E.L.D. or SSR operatives found you. You're part of a team of heroes called the Avengers, actually you're our boss, sort of.'

'I can't be, I'm just a soldier. I-I-I- where's Peggy, I want Peggy.' He sobbed. All Tony could do was stare at his friend in shock. It was only when Natasha opened the door that he returned to reality. He stopped her from going in pushing her out of the room and into the corridor.

'What the hell, Tony!'

'He won't remember you.'

'That's absurd, of course he will. Now really isn't the time to be joking around Stark.'

'Nat, I'm not,' he looked at her seriously, 'he thinks it's still 1943 and Bucky's just died.' Natasha put a hand over her mouth.

'What?'

'...and that Peggy is his girlfriend. He actually thought I was my dad's brother.' Natasha couldn't accept this.

'At least let me try talking to him, maybe he'll remember me.'

'Nat, I really wouldn't.'

'Stark don't tell me what to do.'

'I'm telling you as a friend, Natasha. Not because it will hurt him but because it'll hurt you. Give him a few days, alright.'


	19. Jet Pack Blues

Morale at the tower was extremely low while they waited for Steve to get his memory back. Natasha hadn't slept in a week, afraid that visions of Steve abandoning her or worse, dying would torture her in her sleep. What's more, she hadn't been eating properly, worried sick (literally) about the soldier. Tony was the only one allowed to visit for the moment until Steve was well enough to come home and once he had accepted the significant time jump from the forties to now. Bucky and Clint instantly noted the mood when they came back from Bahrain.

'Guys, where's Steve?' asked Bucky, his small playful smirk disappeared when the rest of the Avengers in the common room looked at him sadly. 'What happened?' Silence from the group, 'someone fucking say something!' he kicked over a chair. 'Where's my best friend?'

'Steve was in an explosion about a week ago,' Bruce spoke up tentatively, 'he's only got his memories up until the time you died.' Bucky left for the hospital instantly.

'Tony, you'd better go after him. Steve will freak out if he sees Bucky.' Advised Bruce. Tony nodded.

'JARVIS pass me a suit?'

'Certainly sir.'

Seconds later Tony left off the helipad in pursuit of Bucky.

Thankfully, he got to the hospital before Bucky but no sooner did he take off the suit, Barnes barged through the door. Steve sat up, panicked.

'Bucky?' he said slowly, 'y-you're alive?'

'Yeah, punk.' He sat next in the chair next to his bed.

'So I hear Tony's been taking care of you.' Bucky gestured to the billionaire.

'Yeah, he has, I don't know if he's joking about stuff half the time though.' Steve smiled at Tony who rolled his eyes.

'You'll get used to it.' Replied Bucky. 'So it's 2015.' He tried to change the subject, desperate for Steve to remember.

'Yeah. Apparently... can't believe I missed to so much.'

'Do you want me to tell you what happened?'

'Stark told me a lot but I think it'd help to hear it again.'

Bucky recounted everything he remembered since he got back and Tony re-filled in all the other blanks and slowly but surely, he began to remember things. He sometimes had panic attacks when he remembered the ice but Bucky and Tony helped a lot. Soon he was discharged from hospital and allowed to go home to the tower on the condition that he didn't go back to work straight away.

Everyone was there to welcome him home when Tony brought him back. Tony and Bucky had to reintroduce him to everyone.

'Dr. Banner, glad to meet you.' Steve shook Bruce's hand and he was taken aback because Steve usually hugged everyone, at least once he was comfortable with them. He shook hands with Clint also, saying he was sure that working with him in beating Loki would have been fun – at least he was still making jokes. He was introduced to Sam Wilson again as well as Wanda and Pietro.

'Where's Nat?' asked Bucky.

'Nat as in the Black Widow? She was in New York with us, right?' he looked for reassurance from Clint who nodded his encouragement.

'Don't worry, you'll like her when she decides to leave her apartment.' Clint reassured him, 'Did Tony actually tell you that you two are a thing?' Clint death stared Tony who held his hands up in apology.

'What? Really? Like...fonduing?' Clint looked at him weirdly.

'That's bread and cheese, dude. I mean she likes you and you like her.'

'Yeah, that's what I meant...' Steve scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. 'So how long...have we...uh.'

'About a week... it happened just before the explosion but you've been totally in love with her for about a year now.'

'Wow...um, okay.'

'It's okay Steve,' Bruce cut in, 'things like this take time. I know that super soldier brain of yours will be back to normal soon.' He smiled kindly before leaving.

'Here, Cap,' Tony handed him a file, 'there's a bunch of things in there that'll help you catch up a bit more. Photos of us, profiles, missions, the works. If you need anything just ask JARVIS.'

'Thank you Tony, for everything.'

'No problem, Steve.' The team left Steve's apartment, letting him get on with some reading.

'Natalia, you can't just avoid him!' shouted Bucky.

'Why the hell not! He doesn't even know me anymore!' she screamed back.

'Yes he does! He was asking about you for Christ's sake!'

'Bucky, I hate seeing him like this and I can't help but think-'

'Natalia this was not your fault. None of this was.' He saw Natasha's lower lip begin to tremble.

'I miss him so much James.' He hugged her.

'I know, I know. Give him time remember. He's still just going on the things we told him but this is our Steve, remember. He always surprises us.'


	20. Crash

Steve gazed at the photos. He caught a glimpse of one of Peggy and smiled to himself. Then he picked up a photograph of Natasha and felt something stir within him, a familiar feeling of warmth.

'Natasha...' he murmured to himself before putting away the folder, switching out his light and going to sleep.

_ 'You're not alone.' He heard himself say. Then a red headed woman that must've been Natasha kissed him. _

_He was shaking the same woman awake from a nightmare and she kissed him again. When the scene changed again Natasha was running towards him and at the last minute he propelled her off his shield. _

_The next thing he knew he was watching her kick a man off a roof. Did he really let her do that? _

_Then they were on an escalator:_

_ 'Kiss me.' She said._

_ 'What?' he replied._

_ 'Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.'_

_ 'Yes, they do.'_

Steve woke with a start, only one thought on his mind: find Natasha. Tony had given him a map of the tower, just in case and he found Natasha's room was two floors away. He knocked on the door and waited. A few moments later Natasha stuck her head around the door and faltered when she saw who it was.

'Steve?' she asked uncertainly.

'Hello,' He smiled that innocent smile that Natasha loved and it broke her heart even more because he didn't even know that, 'do you mind if I come in?' Natasha silently held open the door for him. He went and sat in the nearest chair.

'What's going on, Cap?' she asked trying to sound totally relaxed.

'I know we're supposed to be...a... "thing", as Clint put it,' Natasha rolled her eyes, 'and I'm sure that's true but I just...' he paused, 'I don't want to sound too forward but I was wondering if I could kiss you? I know that sounds so awful but Tony gave me this file with photos and things in it and it brought back some memories and I just want to make sure it's true so-' he was interrupted by Natasha pressing her lips to his. He kissed her back and suddenly his brain clicked into gear, everything coming back at once. He pulled away sharply.

'What is it?' she asked tentatively. Steve just looked at her, his eyes no longer blank or confused, but clear.

'I...uh...when you k-' he tried to get some words out, 'I-I remember now...' he laughed with relief and kissed Natasha again, more passionately this time. Then he hugged her and she pulled him even closer before pulling away to stare daggers at him.

'If you ever pull sick shit like that again I swear to God I will kill you myself.'

'I wouldn't put it past you.' He smiled.

'Steve,' she sighed, hugging him again, 'I thought I'd lost you.'

'I'm not going anywhere, Nat,' he kissed the top of her head, 'I promise.'

**Helloo! Yes, yes I know, short recovery but more stuff has to happen before things go perfectly for our favourite soldier and spy so yeah...also amnesiac Steve is really hard to write! Hope you're still with me! **


	21. Your Song

It had been a week and a half since Steve got his memory back and everything was back to normal. Natasha was eating again and she'd been sleeping the best she had in years. It was the team's weekly movie night and they were about to start watching Moulin Rouge. Natasha and Steve were hogging the couch, while Tony occupied an armchair and the rest were curled up on the floor.

'Clint, I can't believe you talked us into watching this.' Groaned Tony.

'It's a classic, Stark! Besides Nicole Kidman is hot!' he replied indignantly, '...and Steve hasn't seen it yet.' Tony just rolled his eyes. Clint started singing along to the words as the film started and Natasha kicked him from her perch on the sofa and he stopped, for a while at least.

As the film went on Steve began to come to terms with how much he loved Natasha. He hadn't quite realised the gravity of his feelings until now, hearing Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor confess their love for each other must've triggered something inside him, he thought. Natasha had been watching his reaction, mostly to see if he liked the film but the sudden change in his face worried her.

'What is it?' she whispered as the rest of the Avengers were engrossed in "Come What May".

'I love you so much, 'Tasha.' He whispered reverently. Instead of dignifying his statement with a response, she kissed him passionately. She shifted her position so that she was properly lying on top of the captain. Steve placed a hand on her hip and the other played with her luscious red curls. She sighed with content as he moved to kiss along her jawline and then the sweet spot on her neck. The soldier an spy were so engrossed in each other that they didn't even notice that Tony had paused the film and the whole team was death staring them, except for Bruce who was suddenly very interested in his empty beer bottle, what' more, Clint looked like he was about to cry.

'For the love of God,' Tony spoke up, 'will you to get a fucking room already.' The couple pulled away from each other, startled, embarrassed.

'Come on, Stark.' Steve said.

'Nope, either watch the movie or go and...do...that...' Clint didn't even know what to call what he was seeing. He'd only ever seen Natasha behave like that undercover, 'just go and be adorable somewhere else!' he finally exclaimed. The couple reluctantly left and went to Steve's floor.

**Hey team, so just to let you know, I tweaked a bit of chapter 19 but not significantly. **


	22. Wrapped Around Your Finger

No sooner had they walked through the door did Steve push Natasha up against the back of it. She hopped up and wrapped her legs around his waist as he kissed and sucked at her neck.

'That's not very gentlemanly, Steve.' She chuckled.

'There's just no pleasing some ladies,' he joked and carried her over to the bed laying her down gently, 'that better?' he said, leaning over her and pecking her lips.

'Much,' She purred, 'now what do you say I take off that lovely shirt of yours?' she fiddled with the buttons for a moment and then rolled his shirt off his shoulders. Natasha took her own top off and unhooked her bra before taking in the gorgeous sight that was her boyfriend. Steve, as old fashioned as he was couldn't stop staring at Natasha's body either.

'You're so beautiful, 'Tasha.' Steve said, but she made a face as though she thought differently, 'don't look at me like that, it's true.'

'No it's not Steve...'

'I call it like I see it Nat, and I think you're absolutely stunning,' she still looked unsure, 'I mean it Nat, you're gorgeous.' he flashed her his charming smile, 'those words don't even cut it, you're just...'

'Steve, stop rambling and make out with me.'

'Good idea, I was running out of superlative adjectives.'

'Are you seriously going to talk grammar right now? While you're half naked on top of me?' she looked at him, unimpressed.

'Do you want me to kiss you or not?' Steve's lips lingered near hers.

'Why are you still talking?' he kissed her fiercely, one hand wandering to her chest. She moaned into his mouth as his thumb teased at her nipple. Steve then proceeded to kiss his way down her body. When he reached her jeans he undid the button and pulled them off her along with her underwear. He leant back up and kissed her deeply again. Steve soon found himself without any trousers on as well and he stopped.

'What could possibly be wrong now, Steven?' an exasperated Natasha demanded.

'I just can't believe this is happening. 'Tasha you're everything to me, I just want you to know that.' he gushed. Natasha bit her lip, unsure what to say. Then:

'Come here,' she wrapped her arms around him pressing his body to hers in a loving hug, before kissing him again, 'now shut up and make love to me Rogers.' All Steve could do at this point was oblige.


	23. Paperweight

Steve woke up to sunlight streaming in through his curtains. He smiled to himself as he remembered the night before, possibly the best night of his life. _How was she that flexible?_ He thought to himself. He propped himself up on his elbows, suddenly acutely aware that Natasha was not in his bed. The sound of running water answered that question. Steve rolled out of bed and slipped through the half open bathroom door to find Natasha under the spray.

'Care to join me, Captain?' she smirked at him.

'If you insist, ma'am,' he stepped in next to her and planted a chaste kiss on her mouth, 'morning, Nat.'

'Hey.' She murmured back, kissing him again. He pressed her into the wall and she squirmed as her back hit the cold tiling. He kissed her roughly along her collarbone. 'Steve it's late, if we don't get up stairs Tony will come looking.'

'I don't care,' He replied between kisses, 'I just want you.' Natasha laughed at this.

'I'm yours for the taking, Captain.' She smirked at him. And with that he hoisted her into his arms, his tip pressing at her core. He sheathed himself inside her slowly and she moaned at the sensation. He pumped into her slowly, taking his time. She clenched around him, making him groan.

'Come on Rogers, fuck me like you mean it.' She ordered him. He rutted into her harder and faster than before and she moaned her approval and it wasn't long before she toppled over the edge into her climax, Steve following shortly.

Steve put her down again, gently and pressed a lingering kiss on Natasha's mouth.

'Come on you, I bet Fury will have some stupid mission to bore us with any minute and I need to look good.'

'You always look good.' Steve replied indignantly.

'You know what I mean,' Natasha rolled her eyes at him, 'now go and eat some breakfast. I'll be there in a minute.'

He pouted at her but kissed her forehead quickly before leaving the bathroom to go and get dressed.

After Steve left Natasha found herself smiling uncontrollably and chuckled to herself absentmindedly before shutting off the water and exiting the bathroom.

**Hello, hello! I'm so sorry for the lack of updates. As I said, school blocks this so I couldn't put anything up and with exams and what-have-you it's been pretty hard to write much but I've got the weekend off so I'll be trying to write something. Also...ULTRON! For those of you who've seen it already! ;) sorry this is so very short. Please forgive meee! x**


	24. I'm Already There

The next few weeks were utterly blissful, not only for the soldier and spy but for the rest of the Avengers. Nothing or rather no one had decided they wanted to destroy the world again. Pepper was back and Tony spent most of the time tinkering around his workshop with her and Thor and Jane had returned from touring the realms (courtesy of Heimdall and the All Father) on their honeymoon. Natasha's nightmares had begun to steadily diminish and if she ever did wake up Steve was always there to hold her in the safety of his arms and wipe away the tears. In short, everything was going swimmingly until Bucky caught wind that a rogue HYDRA base had cropped up in Belarus. They were performing experiments like Zola had on Bucky in the forties. A full protection detail was put on him, not that he needed it, just in case they wanted him as their model specimen.

'Cap, Wilson and Barton, I want you to go in.' Fury stated after calling the three boys into his office. 'Your mission is to retrieve intel, then we'll shut down the facility with a couple of quinjets. Jet leaves in an hour. Pack your bags.' He dismissed them.

'They're trying to make super soldiers again?' Natasha handed Steve his utility belt.

'Sort of, but they're using the prosthesis specs they used on Bucky for amputees as well as people like I used to be. They're trying to recreate him I think.'

'Surely that means you won't be safe. You're the original super soldier. Fury's crazy if he's going to let you go.'

''Tasha, we'll be fine,' he zipped up his bag she came up to him and rested her hands on his shoulders.

'It's not Sam and Clint I'm worried about.' Steve turned around.

'Nat, Fury wouldn't sent me on this mission if he didn't think we'd be okay.'

'Well last time Fury sent us on a mission and thought we would be okay we weren't. You lost your damned memory Steve.'

'It was just bad luck, Nat. Tell me you don't want to stop HYDRA as much as I do.' She stayed silent.

'Just be careful okay.' He kissed her softly before going to the door. She grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards her to kiss him again. He pulled her into a hug.

'Hey,' he murmured, stroking her red locks 'everything's going to be alright. I'll be back before you know it.'

'What if you're not?' she said into his chest.

'I will be. I promise.' He lifted her chin so she looked at him and then kissed her forehead gently before he disappeared out the door. Suddenly Natasha was crying, more than she had in a very long time. She couldn't breathe, some irrational wave of terror had washed over her at the idea of Steve not coming back. Tony was the one who found her there after JARVIS alerted him of the situation.

'Hey Red,' he knelt down beside her, 'what's going on?'

'Tony, what if Steve doesn't come back?'

'He will. He always does.' He put an arm around her.

'This time it's different. He's the perfect source of experimentation for super soldiers and Fury just fed him to the wolves.'

'Nattie, Steve always makes it out on top, you know that.'

'But what if he doesn't Tony? What if this time he doesn't?'

'Natasha, I know he will, just believe in him.'


	25. March on the Jedi Temple

The three heroes stormed the base through the roof, taking the building floor by floor, taking down every HYDRA agent they could. Finally they made it to the control room. Clint began downloading as much intel as he could from the database.

'Okay, Sam, watch Clint's back. I'll go and break the prisoners out, at least the ones that are still alive.' Sam nodded as he ran for the stairwell.

'Hey Cap,' Clint called after him, 'come back alive, please.' Steve nodded and left.

He took the stairs two by two and found a row of cells. He ran past each one and used his shield to bend the lock and break them free; this all felt rather familiar. He helped them towards the exit, instructing them to go to Clint and Sam in the control room. Just as he turned to check behind him, he was shot right between the eyes with a Dendrotoxin bullet.

The prisoners made their way up the stairs and the two boys sighed with relief.

'Where's Cap?' Clint asked.

'I heard a gun shot when he was trying to get us out.' One of the men spoke up. Clint slapped a hand to his forehead.

'Cap, come in.' Sam yelled down his comms. 'Steve?'

'Wilson, Barton,' it was Fury's voice over their earwigs, 'get the prisoners and yourselves out of there now.'

'Not without Cap.' Clint answered.

'Steve's a big boy, I'm sure he's fine, just get out of that base before we blow it to kingdom come.' Clint sighed; Nat was going to kill him.

Steve slipped in and out of consciousness as he was dragged out of the base and into a chopper. The last time he woke up before another dose of Dendrotoxin was when he was strapped onto a metal slab.

**Let me know what you guys think..? Sorry for the lack of updates but you know...exams, school... you know the drill... x**


	26. MK Ultra

The two boys stumbled off the quinjet with the prisoners who were directed elsewhere by some agents. The boys were on their way to their debriefing and found Natasha in Nick's office, pacing. She froze when she saw two of her boys rather than three.

'Where is he?' she said quietly, her voice shaking, both Barton and Wilson couldn't bring themselves to look her in the eye.

'Agent Romanoff...' Nick started.

** '**Where is he?!' she yelled, tears coming to her eyes. Clint swallowed.

'He went to free the prisoners but never came back. We don't know if he escaped or if HYDRA got him, or even if-'

'Don't-' she interrupted, ' he can't be.' She wheeled around to face Nick, 'I told you; you shouldn't have let him go!' she screamed at him.

'Nat, I'm sorry.' Clint walked towards her but she backed away.

'Forget it, Clint.' She stormed out of the room.

Steve screamed in agony as they tried to wipe his brain, the same way they did with Bucky.

'It is proving more difficult with this one. Erskine's formula must have done something to his mental resilience as well as physical.' One of the doctors spoke to the head scientist there.

'Restart the programme.' he ordered, 'I want to send the Avengers a message They have something that I want.'

'Barnes?' the doctor asked.

'No, Natasha Romanoff. She is the perfect model for the rest of the candidates. We just needed the Captain to get her to comply.'

Bucky and Natasha were watching a movie up stairs, trying to keep their minds off Steve. Neither of them were really watching it, though. Not until their TV feed was hacked and a video of Steve being tortured appeared on the screen. By this time the whole team were making their way upstairs. It must've happened all over the base. Natasha was crying and Bucky had gone into some sort of trance, having a flashback.

'Attention, Avengers,' a menacing voice came through the television, 'I believe you are looking for this man and I have been looking for one of yours. Seeing as we both have something the other wants, how about I make you a generous deal. You can have to good Captain back in exchange for Natasha Romanoff. You have one hour to make your decision. We shall meet at what is left of camp Lehigh, appropriate, don't you think? One hour, Avengers.'

The TV went back to playing the film but no one was even looking anymore. The whole team was silent. Finally, Tony spoke up:

'We're not letting you go, Nat.'

'I have to, Stark. It's the only way to save him.'

'No, we will do it Steve's way: "together".' Thor said.

'I agree. Steve would never let us put you in harms way and nor would any of us.' Tony said.

'It's the least we could all do after everything he's done for us.' Clint spoke for himself and Sam.

'Fine, full protection detail: deep shadow on Nattie. They can't even think we're there. We have to double bluff them alright. I'll scramble a jet for us to take to New Jersey.' Tony said, taking the lead. The team dispersed to get ready, morale terrifyingly low and rather unsettling.


	27. Map of the Problematique

Clint was the one walking Natasha into the base while Bruce, Sam and Bucky stayed in the cloaked quinjet. Tony and Thor were both near by, ready for a fight. Pietro and Wanda were also ready to strike. There was a van parked outside the base's gates. Two armed HYDRA agents were stationed beside it. One knocked on the side and the back doors opened. Another two men stepped out, dragging a battered and bruised Steve with them. Natasha felt bile rise up in her throat at the state of the Captain. Clint put an arm against the small of her back to keep her from stopping. A man stepped out of the front of the van.

'Good evening, I am glad to see that you saw the way things are.'

'It's not the way things should be.' Clint replied.

'What is she to you anyway?' the man sneered.

'She's an Avenger. She's just as important as he is,' Clint retorted defiantly, 'and that's why we're never going to let you take her.'

Four shots were fired and the four guards dropped dead around the scientist. Bucky jumped down from the ruins behind the van and ran to Natasha as more agents clambered out of the van. Tony appeared next, with Sam carrying Clint's bow and arrows. Thor landed on top of the van from somewhere in the woods and summoned some lightning to destroy the vehicle. Wanda appeared and flung two agents running for Natasha into the ruins. Everyone had a weapon pointed at one another and suddenly everyone stopped. The HYDRA scientist had a knife at Steve's throat.

'Everyone put down your weapons or he dies.' The Avengers looked at each other and put down their weapons or their hands in some cases. The HYDRA agents did the same but the scientist's knife stayed at Steve's jugular. 'It's a shame, really to lose such potential.'

'It is, doctor. You're probably one of HYDRA's finest.' Sam smirked at the confusion on the doctor's face.

Out of nowhere, the scientist was bowled over by Pietro and pinned face down on the ground. Bucky suddenly fired a round into his head, much to everyone's shock.

'Bet he didn't see that coming.' He said without a smile before walking away.

'Barnes,' Sam called after him, 'what the hell, man?'

'Seriously? You didn't expect that?' Bucky turned to face his friends, 'he almost killed my best friend. I've known Steve my whole life and that bastard almost took that away from me. He almost took Steve away from Natasha. He almost took him away from all of us. Tell me that wasn't justified. Tell me none of you were thinking of doing that for even one second. Without Steve, we wouldn't be the heroes we are today. Natasha wouldn't have the man she loves, Thor wouldn't have a drinking buddy, Tony wouldn't have someone to beat his sass and sarcasm, Sam and Clint wouldn't have their unbeatable running partner, Bruce wouldn't have someone to beat him in the kitchen, Pietro wouldn't have someone to play ultimate Frisbee with, Wanda wouldn't have anyone to go record shopping with and yeah that sounds funny but what if he wasn't here? We take the things he does for us for granted. Without him I'd probably still be assassinating innocent people for a cause I didn't understand or support. We need Steve and he was within a hair's width away of being taken from us. So I don't think I need to apologise or justify my actions: I know you'd have done the same.'

The group remained silent for a very long time, not moving. It wasn't until Bruce appeared and asked for Steve to be taken to the jet that anyone did anything. They lay Steve down on a stretcher in the jet and Clint and Sam piloted them back to New York. Natasha sat by Steve, holding his hand all the way, willing him to wake up. She sat with him in a recovery room at the base and refused to leave his side. A little while later she felt a light squeeze on her hand and she smiled, carding her fingers through his hair. He tried to speak but she hushed him and he lapsed into unconsciousness, allowing Natasha to let go of all that fear and worry.

'I'm so sorry Steve.' She sobbed.

Her tears began to subside a good half hour later and she heard a knock on the door. It was Bucky.

'Hey,' he said grabbing another chair to sit beside her, 'how are you holding up?' he spoke to her in Russian.

'Pretty shit really.' She replied. He nodded, 'good little speech though.' He snorted at this.

'Steve gives better ones.' They stayed silent for a while.

'I don't think I can keep doing this, Джеймс.' Natasha broke the silence

'What do you mean?'

'Putting him in harms way; it's not fair.'

'Наталия, we've been through this.'

'This time it's different. They used him as bait, for me. Just like I predicted. You know it's the right thing to do, Джеймс.'

'I'm not saying it's not safer but do you really think he's going to buy that?'

'This isn't about what I do and don't feel anymore. It's not an excuse. I love him too much to let him get hurt again.'

'Well I won't stop you, I know I can't, but that doesn't mean to say he won't try.'

'That's why I won't even give him the chance to have a say.'

'What?' Bucky looked at her in disbelief, 'Okay now that's not fair. There's no way I'm letting you do that.'

'It's not up to you Джеймс.'

'He's practically my brother Наталия. You can't do that!' Bucky stood up.

'I swear to God if you don't let me do this, I'll report you to Fury for what happened today.' Bucky stopped.

'Fine, but you're on your own.'

'Good.'

'Fine.'

'Fine.' with that Bucky left, not before punching a dent into the doorframe of the recovery room.

Natasha had to stop herself from crying again. Bucky knew this was just as hard for her. He was right, Steve wouldn't be okay with this at all but she supposed he'd have to be.


	28. I Won't Give Up

Natasha had grown more and more distant since Steve got back. She'd started sleeping in her own room again and despite the nightmares she actually thought she was doing herself a favour. She barely even looked at Steve, let alone talked to him. She loved him, yes, but this was her fault. She'd let herself become emotional, let him in, let him understand and he'd almost died as a result. She was a monster as it was, but losing Steve, that would make her inhuman, unworthy of existence let alone Mjölnir. Steve had decided to try and accept it. She'd not left him an explanation, or a chance to have a say and for a while he accepted it until one day he decided he at least needed an explanation, if not a chance to try again.

One day Steve cornered her in the gym. He caught her fist as she punched an imaginary assailant.

'Hi.' He let go of her hand.

'Boss.' She acknowledged before throwing another punch for Steve to block. He countered with a feigned kick and a left hook. She blocked it successfully only to do an aerial cartwheel and plant her heel into his jaw. He stumbled back slightly shocked.

'You're getting rusty, Cap.' She said, no emotion in her voice. Not even a touch of sarcasm. She tried to kick him again but he caught her foot in mid air.

'I am 96 after all.' He frowned. They continued to spar like this until Steve lost his temper. With a new found surge of energy he managed to knock Natasha off her feet and pin her to the mat.

'Why are you shutting me out again?' He asked, plain and simple.

'Well you've certainly got a way with words.' She avoided his gaze.

'Could say the same about you seeing that you haven't spoken to me for two and a half weeks.' She didn't say anything so he got up and stepped off the mat. 'Fine, don't admit it to me, but at least admit it to yourself, Natasha.' His eyes were hurt beneath their stoic exterior. Only Natasha would know, though. She knew him best, after Bucky of course.

'What the hell is that supposed to mean, Rogers?' She called after him.

'You know damned well, Natasha.' He wheeled around and yelled at her, immediately regretting it because she visibly flinched.

'What the hell do you want from me Rogers?' She said quietly after a moment or two.

'Nothing,' he lowered his voice again ad walked back towards her, 'I just want you, that's all.'

'It's a pretty big ask, Cap.' She countered.

'I know you feel the same Nat.'

'You're out of your goddamned mind, Rogers.' She pushed past him and he let her. He only spoke again when she was near the door.

'You said so yourself a couple of months ago.' She stopped but didn't turn around. 'Nat, I know it's scary; it's supposed to be.'

'I can't Steve.'

'Yes, you can, I know you do.'

'Steve, I'm a mess. I'm a walking death wish. I can't put you in harms way anymore. The amount of near misses you've had because of me-'

'Well it's not like I've never put you in danger before.'

'But I deserve it.'

'Don't you dare say that, Natasha.' Steve closed the gap between them and hugged her tightly. After a moment he spoke again, 'this feels kind of familiar.'

'Yeah... I guess we're back to square one.'

'We were doing so well too.' She chuckled at this, as they pulled apart to look at each other.

'So can I have the love of my life back?' He gave her his irresistible puppy eyes.

'Steady there Rogers, if I didn't know any better I'd say you're a little bit in love with me.' She smirked at him.

'Nat..' He whined and she laughed.

'Of course, Cap.' She got up on her tiptoes to kiss him and then wrapped her arms around his middle. They stayed like this for a very long time. 'Listen Steve, you know I... You mean a lot to me but-'

'I know, Nat, it's alright. We've had this discussion.'

'Steve, I'm trying to tell you I love you for God's sake, just...' She held out her hands as though saying "let me finish". Steve just laughed at her. 'What?'

'I love you too.'

She thought back to what she said for a second, 'Oh...' And Steve laughed harder.

'You're such an ass!' She shoved him.

'Yeah, but I'm your ass.'

'Did you hear me say I love you because you're seriously taking it for granted.' She folded her arms across her chest but Steve just carried on laughing. 'Fine I won't say it again.' She turned to leave but Steve grabbed her wrist and swung her around before kissing her fiercely.

'Please say it again?' He murmured into her mouth.

'Nope.' Steve started to tickle her and she squealed. 'Never!' She returned his tickles and before they knew it both were on the floor. After their laughter subsided Natasha rolled onto her side and gazed at Steve. 'I love you Steven Grant Rogers.'

'Now that's something I never thought I'd hear.' He murmured back. He closed the gap between them and kissed her gently. A slow clap ensued from the doorway of the gym which soon erupted into applause. Steve and Natasha sat up to find all of the Avengers standing there. She rolled her eyes and flipped them off, only they clapped louder so she began making out with Steve rather indiscreetly.

'Get a room!' Shouted Clint but they ignored him. Nothing could beat this...well, almost nothing.


	29. Never Let Me Go

It's been about four months since Natasha decided to accept her feelings wholly and embrace it too. Only a little something had taken her by a little by surprise...actually massively.

Natasha stared at all three pregnancy tests all showing little red pluses and her heart jumped up into her throat. How was this possible? She was meant to be sterile, according to the Red Room. What should she do? Steve was going to be back from training with Sam and Bucky any minute. As if on cue JARVIS said:

'Agent Romanoff, Captain Rogers is on his way up from the gymnasium. He is going to his floor. I thought I would let you know.'

'Thanks, J. I appreciate it.'

'Any time, Agent.'

Butterflies rose in her stomach as she debated what to do. A baby had no place in their line of work. There was no telling day to day whether the child would end up an orphan. Tony and Pepper only manage because Pepper isn't an Avenger (technically...Tony says she is.) but with both parents as Avengers, the kid didn't stand a chance. She had to get rid of it before Steve could find out. No. She needed to talk to Clint first. He'd know what to do. She locked the bathroom door and pulled her phone out of her pocket. She dialed his home number - he was on leave. Laura picked up the phone.

'Hello?'

'Hey, it's me.'

'Hey Nat, how are things? I heard you and Steve are together now. So happy for you two!'

'Haha,' she laughed nervously, 'about that...'

'What is it? Is he treating you right?'

'Laura can you get Clint for me please?'

'Of course, he's right here. I'll put you on speaker.'

'Nat, babe, what's up?' It felt so good to hear her best friend's voice, 'everything okay with you and Cap?'

'Yeah, everything's amazing but um..'

'Nat spit it out.' Clint was stern.

'I'm pregnant, Clint.' She blurted out, tears in her eyes. There was silence on the other end. Then:

'Are you sure?'

'Yeah.'

'Nat, how is this possible?'

'I don't know Clinton.'

'Hold on, I'm gonna call Tony and see if he can access any of the Red Room intel we collected a while back. Stay on the phone with Laura. Give me three minutes.'

Those three minutes were utter agony for Natasha but Clint's sense of humour saved the day once again.

'Well it looks like Steve has super sperm as well as super good looks.' Natasha choked out a laugh. 'Congratulations, Nat.' Laura and Clint said together.

'Thank you guys.'

'Well, what are you waiting for? Go and tell the capsicle the news!' She hung up after they said goodbye, trying to figure out how to tell Steve. She stayed where she was for a few minutes.

'Agent Romanoff, the Captain is on your floor now.'

'Thanks.'

Steve knocked on the bathroom door a couple of minutes after JARVIS' warning.

'Nat? Are you okay? You've been in there a while.' No answer, 'Natasha?' Steve tried to push open the door. 'Nat, what's wrong? Open the door.' Finally:

'Just give me a minute okay.' She said in a shaky voice.

'Nat what's going on?' Steve sounded so worried it made Natasha smile slightly. She took a deep breath and unlocked the door. Steve instantly put his arms around her.

'I'm okay, I'm okay.'

'Are you sure? You don't sound it.' He looked down at her with worried eyes.

'Um...Steve...'

'Yes..?'

'I, uh... We have a bit of a situation.'

'What is it, Nat?'

'I'm...uh,' she swallowed, 'we're...'

''Tasha what's going on?' He took her hands. She took a moment to compose herself and when she looked back at him with tears in her eyes.

'I'm pregnant, Steve.' He froze and this worried her. What if he ran, what if he left her? Steve wouldn't do that? She couldn't afford to expect too much of him though.

'We're...having a...'

'A baby, yes, Steve.' His face broke out into a smile and he laughed before wrapping his arms around her and picking her up to spin her around. She smiled into the crook of his neck. He put her down and took her hands again.

'Nat this is incredible! I can't believe it!' He gushed. Natasha was crying and he hugged her again. He pulled back only to lean in to kiss her passionately. She smiled into his mouth.

'But Steve, we can't raise a kid. Not with jobs like ours. Clint barely sees his and Pepper's always got Beatrice with her. There's no way this will work.'

'Natasha, our baby will be absolutely fine. We may not know what to do right now but we'll figure it out. We always do.'

'But the Red Room. What if what they did to me affects the baby?'

'You're in good hands here, Nat. We'll all take care of you. Our baby is going to be absolutely fine.'

'I don't know, Steve.'

'Natasha, trust me.'

'Okay.'

'Say it again.'

'Say what again.'

'We're having a baby.'

'I'm pregnant, Steve. We're having a baby.' And he kissed her again, picking her up and taking her to bed.

**Soooo... what do we think? Any thoughts? Hoping most of you will have seen AoU to get the subtle references..if not, get on that shit and watch it! It's fantastic (though I'm still a true Romanogers shipper and will not be moved #IWillGoDownWithThisShip) stay classy all of you x **


	30. Jackie & Wilson

Natasha and Steve appeared for breakfast the next day happier than ever. It was actually Thor who noticed a change in the couple first.

'Lady Natasha, you look radiant today.'

'Thank you, Thor, you don't look so bad yourself.' She winked playfully at him.

'No, Natasha, I mean really radiant.'

'What do you mean?'

'No, he's right,' Tony chipped in, finally looking up from his breakfast, 'Nat you're practically glowing like a pregnant lady.' The rest of the room looked up. Wanda gasped, the first one to realise that she actually was and ran up to hug Natasha.

'You're not...' Bucky gestured to her stomach. Natasha nodded, smiling shyly. Bucky did the same as Wanda and the rest of the team followed suit.

They went out to celebrate that night. They went back to the Stork club in Steve's honour; Tony paid for drinks for the first time in years and even Bobbi, Lance and Fitzsimmons. The team were watching Tony and Pepper dance as well as Gemma and Coulson. Bucky offered Natasha his hand.

'May I have this dance?' he clanked at Steve who nodded his approval. Natasha took his hand and danced with him.

'I'm really happy for you two.' He smiled at her.

'He's a dream isn't he?' Natasha replied absentmindedly, smiling back.

'You deserve this, Natalia.' He said honestly.

'No I don't.' She shook her head, looking down sadly.

'Natalia, Steve could have anyone he wanted and above everyone else he chose you. That's got to mean something, right?' He looked her straight in the eye. Natasha glanced at her boyfriend who was laughing at Lance who'd just stepped on Bobbi's foot.

'I guess so.' She finally admitted.

'Just do me a favour,' he suddenly became very serious, 'don't let this one go. You've put him through hell; I'm surprised he's still here. Actually, no I'm not, he's crazy about you. You'll never meet another guy like him, I can promise you that, Nat.' Bucky spun her and she was caught by all too familiar arms.

'Mind if I cut in?' Clint's sarcastic voice made Natasha smile. Bucky nodded and when to sit with Steve. She turned around and hugged the archer.

'Nice of you to show up. Does Laura mind?'

'Nah,' he smirked, 'she told me if I didn't come and celebrate with my best friend she'd ban any more renovations on the farm.'

'Well you certainly couldn't have that then, could you?'

'How are you holding up, Nat?' he changed the subject rather abruptly.

'It's been a bit of a shock to the system, in every sense of the word,' she said slowly, 'but we're happy I guess.'

'I'm really happy for you two.'

'Seems you're not the only one.' She rolled her eyes, smirking at him.

'What? I was trying to be polite!' he chuckled at her sarcastic tone.

'Whatever, Katniss.'

'Shut up, shorty.'

'Excuse you!'

'Seriously, though: I think this is really good.'

'Thank you, Clint.'

The song came to a close and the pair walked back to their table where everyone erupted into cheers at the sight of the archer.

A few songs and a round of drinks later, Steve and Natasha were swaying slowly on the dance floor, silently enjoying each other's company.

'Do you think we're doing the right thing?' Natasha asked, breaking the silence.

'What do you mean?'

'Going ahead with this.' She supplied, looking up at the soldier.

'Natasha, until two days ago you didn't think it was possible for you to have kids and now we've got one on the way. Surely that's a sign?'

'I'm not a big one for universal signs.' She sounded worried.

'Nor am I but Natasha, don't you think you deserve this? Don't you think we both do? After everything we've been through.' He spoke to her gently.

'I love you, Steve.' She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him passionately.

'I love you too.' He kissed her lips once more, then her forehead before she curled herself into his chest as they carried on swaying.

'I called it Brucey,' Tony elbowed the doctor, 'last time we were here and none of you believed me.'

'Shh,' Clint hushed Tony, 'you're ruining the moment.'

'We need to think of a name for them.' Tony plotted.

'Okay, now you're just being immature.' Bruce said.

'What? Clint called me and Pepper "Pepperony" for a really long time.'

'Romanogers?' Sam said.

'Stasha?' Bucky suggested.

'CapWidow?' it was Tony's turn. Bruce and the twins rolled there eyes.

'None of those will never stick, boys.' Natasha muttered as the couple sat down again. 'Nice try.'

'Well what are you gonna call the kid then?' Tony asked, excitedly.

'That's classified.' She winked at him.


	31. Thinking Out Loud

Natasha twiddled her thumbs as she watched other agents file level 2 documents into cardboard boxes for her to approve. She'd been out of the field for a week and she was already bored. Bruce had insisted it was safe and that she shouldn't take any risks given the circumstances. She sighed and pulled out her phone to text Steve.

_I hate you._

_ Why's that?_

_ Because I'm bored out of my mind and it's your fault._

_ I'll make it up to you tonight when I get back._

_ You'd better, Rogers._

_ You know I will._

She smiled to herself, shaking her head. She went back to approving the files, still disbelieving at the idea that Agent Melinda May – the cavalry – would ever do this by choice.

Natasha was curled up on the couch with a copy of _The Gambler _and a cup of Earl Grey tea when Steve came back. She looked up over the rim of her book and smirked.

'About damn time, Rogers, I thought you'd forgotten what you promised earlier.'

'I'm so sorry. One of the new recruits broke his foot trying to kick Bucky's arm. We got in trouble for even letting him try.' Natasha snorted at the recruit's idiocy. 'So how was filing all that paper work?'

'Oh you know, I love stapling and stamping as much as the next pregnant Avenger.' She put down her book to stare daggers at her boyfriend.

'I know right! Who knew wheely chairs and stationery were so much fun!' Natasha didn't laugh. He came and sat next to her on the couch. 'I'm sorry, but you know why we need to do this. We may not get a chance to have a kid again, we're lucky enough that this is happening, 'Tasha.'

'I know.' She sighed. Steve leaned in to kiss her softly and she moaned into his mouth, tugging at the lapel of his uniform. He pulled away from her gently.

'D'you want some dinner?'

'Please.'

'Anything in particular?'

'Actually, I could kill for some spaghetti.'

'Wouldn't put it past you.' He joked as he pulled out the necessary kit and food to make her dinner. She just rolled her eyes.

'They get worse every time, Cap.'

'I'm not as bad as Clint, though.' He retorted. Natasha looked sceptical.

Half an hour later they were enjoying Steve's spaghetti and tomato sauce.

'You know we haven't thought about names yet.' Steve said, sipping a glass of water, not wanting Natasha to feel left out without a glass of her favourite red wine.

'We've got four months Steve, we've got plenty of time to pick one.'

'I know, I was just thinking back to what Tony said a while back.'

'Please don't tell me you were thinking of naming it after the tin man.' She death stared him.

'No, don't worry.' He laughed.

'Good.' She replied before eating another mouthful of food.

'I think it'll be a boy.' He smiled at Natasha.

'Me too.' She took his hand and he kissed it.

'I think Howard would be a good name.' Natasha wrinkled her nose.

'Too old fashioned, how about Jared.'

'I don't know...' Steve frowned, 'sounds...weird.' Natasha nodded in agreement. 'What about something Russian?'

'I don't know; maybe Mikhail? Or just Misha?'

'I like that.' Steve nodded.

'Or Yaakov.'

'Sounds a bit scary to me.' Steve scratched the back of his head

'Well then, he can be Misha for the time being.' Steve leaned over to kiss Natasha.

'Sounds good to me.'

**Three guesses as to what they actually call the baby ;) **

**PS "The Gambler" is a book by Dostoevsky **


	32. Sugar We're Goin' Down

Steve threw what felt like the hundredth recruit over his shoulder and onto the floor. He sighed.

'You're core is where you get the strength for your stance,' he instructed, yet again, 'if you don't have that initial strength, there's no way you'll be able to stay on your feet for long.' He gestured for the next recruit to step onto the mat. He was half way there when he stopped, looking behind Steve's shoulder. 'What did I say about focus,' he started, 'you've got to...' he turned around, noticing the whole group looking behind him. Natasha was sauntering towards him, a playful smirk on her face. Steve heard surprised murmurs behind him.

'Take five, guys.' Steve instructed the recruits before turning to his girlfriend.

'You know they're still going to try and listen to our conversation,' she looked over shoulder, 'oh, yep. Want to make them uncomfortable.' She winked at Steve and he chuckled, leaning in to kiss her. Natasha smiled into Steve's mouth as she heard some of the guys clear their throats.

'I wasn't lying when I said public displays of affection made people uncomfortable.' Steve said, mock-scolding her.

'Yeah but with recruits it's too funny to resist.'

'Hey! I thought I was the main attraction here.' Steve feigned offence.

'No I'm actually here because I'm rather taken by that buff one over there.' She nodded in one of the recruits' direction then looked back at Steve who looked genuinely offended.

'I'm kidding, Steve.' She nudged him playfully before kissing the corner of his mouth. 'It's date night and I was wondering if you wanted to do anything besides cook me dinner and watch crappy movies.'

'How about I don't cook dinner and we go out instead?' he suggested.

'Sounds like fun.'

'We could go do something really stupidly random afterwards if you like?'

'Actually Steve I was wondering if I could meet Peggy?' Natasha avoided Steve's gaze, almost embarrassed at the question. Steve looked at her blankly, his genuine surprise made him freeze. Natasha panicked and tried to cover up her clearly stupid question. 'We don't have to; it's just that you always talk about her and I'd like to know why really. I'm sorry it was a silly thing to ask.'

'No, not at all,' Steve shook his head, 'that would be a great idea. I've actually been meaning to introduce you, I just didn't know how to find the right time or circumstance.' Natasha sighed with relief, 'how about we go over to see Peggy just before dinner – Sharon will be there. Get JARVIS to book a table somewhere nice, your choice, my treat.' Steve smiled.

'Cap, I get all excited when you take control like that.' Natasha joked.

'I aim to please.' Replied Steve, assuming a ridiculous pose.

'Can we take the Harley?' Natasha asked.

'Thought you'd never ask,' Steve grinned, 'I'll come by your floor around six?' Natasha nodded before kissing him again. She looked at the recruits again.

'I'd fight you guys but I don't think you'd take kindly to being beaten by the Black Widow, even when she's pregnant.' She winked at them and left.


	33. Endlessly

The couple stood outside Peggy's apartment for a few moments before knocking. Natasha fidgeted slightly, fiddling with the bracelet on her wrist. Steve took her hand.

'Relax, 'Tasha,' he murmured reassuringly, 'you're behaving like you're about to go to court for something.'

'If I were going to court I wouldn't be surprised let alone worried.' She countered, squeezing his hand.

'That's fair,' he chuckled before looking at her properly, 'but seriously, I don't know why you're so worried.'

'If you were me, you'd know exactly why.'

'Hey,' he cupped her cheek to make her look at him, 'I love you. She's lived her life – a good life, with a man that she loved; it's my turn. She knows that. It's not like she'll think badly of you. You didn't replace her. You're different people; I loved her for who she was and love you now for who you are. I wouldn't have it any other way, Nat. I can't imagine what life would be like without you. You have to remember that.' He kissed her softly as she blinked back tears.

'You so only said that because I'm pregnant and you knew I'd cry.' She joked.

'I mean it, Nat. I love you.'

'I love you too, Steve.' He smiled at her before knocking on the door. Sharon answered.

'Hey, you two,' she smiled, 'how are you?' she hugged Natasha and Steve kissed her on both cheeks. 'Come in, come in.'

'How is she?' Steve asked as they walked through the hallway.

'She's a lot better actually, her memory's lasting longer, somehow she seems to be getting better instead of worse.'

'She's healing, you mean?' Steve was disbelieving.

'I guess,' she shrugged, 'it's kind of hard to explain, you'll see.' She opened the door to Peggy's room.

Peggy sat up in her bed, looking from Natasha to Steve to Sharon confusedly.

'Steve?' she asked, uncertain.

'Hey, Peggy,' he walked over to her, taking Natasha with him, 'how've you been? I heard you're getting better.'

'It's been such a long time, Steve. I've missed you so much.' She took his hand in hers.

'I know, Peg, me too.'

'I'm glad you've found someone, though.' She smiled sweetly, a playful twinkle in her eye. Steve laughed nervously.

'Yeah, uh, Peggy, this is Natasha.' He introduced them. Peggy held out her hand and Natasha took it.

'It's so lovely to finally meet you. Steve never stops talking about you.'

'Oh, really, all good I hope.' She winked at her boyfriend who was blushing furiously.

'Of course,' Peggy paused for a moment, 'I wonder, girls, if I could have a cup of tea?' the two girls glanced at each other and left together.

'Everything okay, Peg?' Steve asked.

'I just wanted to say that I'm glad you have Natasha. She seems really lovely.'

'She is, Peg. She's amazing, more than amazing...'

'Then promise me something, Steven,' she interrupted, 'don't ever let her go.' Steve nodded.

'Peggy, I was wondering if I could ask for your blessing... to marry Natasha I mean.' He fumbled for his words, 'You're my best girl, but I love her so much Peg. I want to spend the rest of my life with her; we're having a baby for goodness sake.'

'Well, it's about time, Steve.' She rolled her twinkling brown eyes.

'What do you mean?'

'Steve, my memory isn't deteriorating that much,' she said, 'I see the way you look at her, talk about her, she's the one for you Steve. Of course you have my blessing.' Steve was quiet for a moment before hugging Peggy.

Sharon and Natasha came back in. Peggy instantly turned her attention to Natasha.

'So, Natasha, do you know if the baby's a boy or a girl?' she smiled at the spy.

'We're leaving it as a surprise but Steve and I both think it'll be a boy.' She smiled shyly, handing Peggy her tea. All three of them sat around Peggy's bed telling stories about the war and what happened in the aftermath; about the new S.H.I.E.L.D.

'So Steve, have you told Natasha about the time you were a chorus girl?' Steve went red again.

'He had to promote bond sales for bullet productions. He toured the whole of the US after Project Rebirth and, I quote: "knocked out Adolf Hitler two hundred times".' Natasha laughed lightly at this.

'Now I know where he gets his theatrical streak.' All three girls laughed at Steve.

'Okayy, Nat, I think it's time we headed out for dinner.' He got up, embarrassed.

'What is it, Streisand? Can't take a joke?' she smirked at him as she got up.

'Natasha, it was really lovely to meet you and congratulations on the baby.'

'Thank you Peggy, I hope I'll see you soon.' She went to shake her hand again.

'So do I,' she said before beckoning her closer, 'take care of him, Natasha.' She kissed her cheek.

'I will, I promise.' She whispered back.

* * *

They arrived at the restaurant fifteen minutes later.

'Hello, how can I help you this evening?' asked the waitress at the door.

'Hi, we've got a reservation under the name Rogers?' Steve answered.

'Absolutely, your table is right over here.' The waitress led them through the restaurant and into the kitchen. A table had been set up to the side of the various stoves and grills for them especially. There was a bouquet of Croci were in the centre of the table. There was a note amongst the flowers.

_Stick to the cheap wines please..._

_-Tony_

The couple chuckled as they sat down.

'Who knew Stark could be this generous.' Natasha cocked an eyebrow.

'It's only because he wants to be the Godfather.' Steve said.

'That's probably it.' Natasha nodded.

They ordered their food and sipped mocktails – Natasha having been denied alcohol by Steve.

'So what did Peggy want to talk to you about?' Natasha asked coyly. Steve tapped the side of his nose with a "for me to know" smirk on his face. 'Spill it, Menzel.' She pressed but Steve shook his head. 'Can you tell me if she liked me at least?'

'Yeah, she did.' He smiled at her. Their food arrived moments later.

'Did she say anything else?' Natasha wouldn't let up.

'That I shouldn't let you go,' Steve blurted out. He wanted this conversation over before he could spill the beans about anything else he'd said to Peggy, 'she told me I'd be stupid to ever let you go and she's right. I would be.'

'Well, I certainly hope I don't get too boring for you, Cap.'

'How could you? You're the most fascinating person I've ever met.' He countered, smiling.

They enjoyed their three course meals and a few more mocktails and before long it was 2300. They rode home utterly blissful.

When they got to Steve's floor he helped Natasha out of her dress and she hopped into the shower.

'You going to join me Cap?' she called out of the steamy bathroom. Steve entered shortly afterwards. They stood their in each others arms until the water ran cold and they both towelled off before getting into bed.

'What did Peg say to you before we left?' Steve murmured into Natasha's shoulder.

'Told me to take care of you.' She whispered back and Steve nuzzled into her neck a little more, holding her closer.

'Love you, 'Tasha.'

'You too Steve.'

**Hey! So... are we still liking the way this is going? **

**FYI: Croci are a typically Russian flower theres one type called Crocus Sieberi (three guesses as to where they're from..?) and they're actually really pretty, not big and extravagant and over the top but understated yet elegant - I feel like that's the sort of flower Nat would like and Tony would know that. **

**Hope you're liking this so far. I got Peggy and Natasha meeting as a request from ****Sportsfan64 and I'm so glad that request was made - means the story takes a whole new turn, so thank you! Love you all x**


	34. Latch

_Steve was running behind Natasha, trying to over take her and barrel past the four armed HYDRA agents ahead of them but before he could run in front of her to shield her she was gunned down before his very eyes. He threw his shield and knocked down two of the agents and caught it again. He grabbed a discarded machine gun from the ground and mowed down the other two before shooting the other two in a murderous rage. He dropped the gun and his shield, running to Natasha. He picked her up in his arms as she coughed blood._

_ 'Stay with me, Nat. You're okay, you're going to be okay.' He sobbed. She gripped at his uniform, fighting to stay alive a moment longer._

_ 'Take care of him, Steve. Be there for him.'_

_ 'I will, I swear I will but we'll take care of him together. Bruce can patch you up. It's going to be alright.'_

_ 'Promise me, Steve.' And she died then and there in his arms._

Natasha woke to Steve's soft whimpering. She turned over to see tears streaming down her lover's face. She carded her fingers through his hair to soothe him.

'Steve,' she murmured, 'wake up, Steve.' She gently shook his shoulder. Suddenly he grabbed it, as if on reflex. His eyes flew open.

'Nat!' he cried out through his tears.

'Yeah babe, it's me. I'm right here.' She pulled him into his arms in a jarred hug – what with the bump between them. She hushed him softly, 'it was just a nightmare.'

'Promise me you'll never leave, Nat.'

'Of course not, why would I do that?' she murmured as though he were a child, 'what did you see Steve?' it took him a moment to compose himself.

'We were...uh...running and you...you died, Nat. I can't let that happen for real.' Steve was verging on tears again.

'Hey, hey,' she tried to calm him down, 'nothing's going to happen to me, don't worry.' She kissed him gently. 'This is all a bit familiar isn't it.' She tried to joke.

'Yeah...' Steve tried to relax. They stayed in silence of a little while.

'It happened in my nightmare too, a while back.' Natasha spoke up.

'What did?'

'You died.'

'When was that?' Steve tried to sound a bit casual, mostly to help himself calm down but also so as not to make Natasha uncomfortable – of course he remembered when that happened.

'Just before that mission in Russia.'

'Oh yeah... what happend?'

'You were brainwashed, like Bucky was and you had to kill me.' Steve's grip on Natasha's him tightened at the thought, 'but you woke up and they killed you. That's why I thought it best to stay away. Not because I didn't think I loved you, of course I do but to keep you safe.'

'I'm so sorry Nat.' Steve murmured.

'It's not your fault, Steve. We'll be okay, don't worry.' The couple fell asleep once more, a little more peacefully. Natasha relieved to have finally told Steve that seemingly far away dream.

**So she finally told him... I know it's a long time coming but I feel like he had to know... I also thought Steve should be vulnerable at some point - not just Nat having nightmares...doesn't mean to say she doesn't still have them, as I say, they're just less frequent ;) stay golden x**


	35. Follow Me

Steve paced up and down the waiting area of the hospital, mentally kicking himself for not being there. Natasha's water had broken while Steve was on call at work so Stark took her to the hospital before flying to Singapore for a holiday with Pepper and Beatrice. They said Steve was too late to go in to support Natasha but he was sure she would be fine. He just felt bad for not being there – that and the fact that she'd never let him hear the end of it. Thor, Darcy and Bucky joined him later.

'Just sit down, punk,' Bucky told him for the eighth time, 'it's not like it's going to make it happen any faster.'

Steve ignored him... again.

'Steve, Bucky is right, you must calm down.' Thor reasoned.

'Cap, d'you want me to get you some food or something? Tea maybe? Something stronger?' Darcy chipped in but Steve still didn't say anything, he just carried on pacing but she left the hospital to go to the nearest cafe anyway.

'What if something goes wrong? The Red Room did unthinkable things to her, what if it affects her or the baby?'

'Steve, come on man,' Bucky shook his head, 'this is Nat we're talking about. We both know she's been through worse – she'll get through this and so will the kid.'

Steve sighed and finally sat down and ran his fingers through his hair.

'She's the best thing that ever happened to me Buck, I can't let anything happen.'

'Nothing will, Steve,' Bucky moved to sit next to his best friend, 'I promise. Now relax, alright; Darcy will be back with coffee soon.'

It was 0400 when a nurse finally came looking for him. He'd actually fallen asleep after Darcy called Stark who gave her permission to take one of the sleeping pills he used and put it in Steve's tea. Bucky had gone home and Thor was with Jane but Darcy stayed to make sure someone was there to wake him up when necessary.

'Captain Rogers?' the nurse called and Darcy prodded Steve in the ribs. He jolted awake and stood up instantly. She looked at him hesitantly.

'I'm Captain Rogers.' He confirmed. The nurse beckoned him to follow her.

'It's been a rough day for Natasha, with the complications with her actually having children but they pulled through.' She smiled at Steve.

'"They"' he repeated the word, relief and happiness flooding his senses.

'It's a boy.' She said, guessing at his next question, as she pushed open a door.

Natasha was lying in a bed, hair matted with sweat, cradling a small bundle in her arms. Steve rushed over to her and kissed her firmly on the lips.

'I told you.' He murmured into her lips.

'I know.' She replied.

Steve pulled away to look at their baby. He was sleeping peacefully, tiny mouth slightly open. Steve didn't even think about the next words that came out of his mouth until he heard them:

'Hello, James.'

Natasha looked up at him in awe as well as surprise. Steve looked at her, almost apologetically.

'Sorry, it just slipped out, I guess,' he said quickly, 'it doesn't have to be James, I just thought it'd be good...' he trailed off.

'No, I like it. I think it suits him,' Natasha murmured, 'James Anthony...Mikhail.' she looked back at Steve for approval.

'I thought we weren't naming him after the tin man.' Steve raised an eyebrow.

'Shut up, it's a good name.'

'Whatever you say.' Steve smiled before kissing Natasha again.

**Hi all, so...? What do we think? We're almost there... x**


	36. Fireproof

Natasha stared at the clock on her bedside table. Steve was on a mission and he was supposed to have been back hours ago. That's when James started crying in the room next. She groaned, reaching out to turn on her nightlight before grabbing one of Steve's jumpers from the chair by the door. James' crying got a little louder.

'I'm coming, James,' she murmured, 'I'm coming, baby.' She rubbed her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair as she padded down the corridor to the living room. Suddenly his crying stopped and she sighed with relief, maybe she could go back to bed. That's when she heard a thud. Natasha panicked and ran the last few steps. She let out an exasperated groan when she saw Steve, clad in uniform cradling their now 18 month old son.

'Sorry,' he whispered, 'I dropped the shield.' He nodded to where it was, just next to James' cot. Soon convinced that James' was fast asleep, Steve put him down again and crossed the room to pull Natasha into a hug.

'You're late, Rogers.' She said, stepping back and folding her arms across her chest.

'I know, I'm sorry. Lance made me drop him off at his place first. Then Bobbi made me stay for a late dinner.'

'Did she make her chicken tikka?'

'Yeah,' he nodded, 'now you get why I had to stay.'

'Nothing beats her chicken tikka...' she frowned, 'you're forgiven...just this once.'

'Good.' Steve smiled before leaning in to capture Natasha's lips in a long kiss. 'Nice sweater by the way.' He murmured into her lips. She chuckled as she pulled away to hug him again.

'How about we take this next door, Cap?' she smirked suggestively at the soldier.

'I thought you'd never ask.'

* * *

'Hey James, can you say Tony?' Stark cooed at the toddler.

'Stark, there's no way he's going to say your name first.' Natasha said sternly as she held her arms by either side of him to catch him if he fell. He'd been walking for a while now but like Steve he was a clumsy little tyke.

'Yeah he will,' Tony replied almost incredulously, 'he loves me best.' His point was proven as James collapsed onto Tony's chest, losing his balance after a few steps. Natasha sighed as the mechanic picked up her son and carried him over to Beatrice.

'Hey honey, why don't you play with Jamie for a while huh?' he kissed his daughter on the top of her head.

'Sure, daddy.' She smiled up at him.

Bucky, Clint and Steve were watching the scene from the kitchen counter, each with a beer in hand.

'This looks like one of those picket fence family play dates,' Bucky commented, 'it's weird.'

'Yeah, shouldn't Nat be teaching him how to do flips and stuff?' Clint joked.

'You're right, it is kind of weird,' Steve agreed, 'at least Natasha's allowed back in the field now, so she's not stuck on baby duty all the time.'

'That's true,' Clint nodded, 'you're being pretty modern about all this Cap, don't you want to marry her?'

'Of course I do, Clint.'

'Well, what's taking so long? Ask her already?' Bucky interjected.

'I'm waiting for the right time,' Steve replied, 'I need to make one hundred per cent sure she'll say yes. The last thing I need to happen is her hiding again because I've scared her.'

'Steve, you've had a kid with her. There's no way she'll run.'

'Yeah but I want to know she'll stay for me, not just for James.'

**Hello, hello! Sorry for the lack of updates recently! I promise I'll be better at it! Do check out my other new stories 'Lie A Little Better' and 'Triple Impostor' if y'all haven't already! x**


	37. Sedated

'How long do you think you'll be?' Steve asked as he passed Natasha a spare t-shirt for her to pack.

'It's only two days, so if it goes smoothly,' she calculated, 'about a 36 hours.'

'I love how only you could get through a mission in under the allotted time.' He smiled lovingly.

'I know right, I'm such a catch.' Natasha winked at her boyfriend.

'Stay safe, Nat.'

'I will Steve, don't worry.' She leaned up to press her lips to his before heading to the door, 'I love you, soldier.'

'I love you too 'Tasha.'

* * *

'Okay, Cap, everything's set up upstairs.'

'Thanks Clint.'

Steve and the boys were setting up pretty much the entire tower for when Natasha got back. Steve was going to propose and Tony had insisted that they celebrate when she said yes. Suddenly Steve's phone rang: it was Bucky calling from his room.

'Hey, Buck, everything okay with James?'

'Yeah absolutely. He's fast asleep and will be for a long time, Wanda's got him in some sort of soundproof bubble. Pietro's just gone to get the pizza.'

'Awesome. Come upstairs when you're ready.' He hung up.

'What time will she return?' Thor asked. He was toasting a mountain of pop tarts to offer at the celebrations, 'I do not want these to get cold.'

'Any minute now.' Steve said, looking at his watch.

'JARVIS, notify us when Natasha enters the building.' Tony asked.

'Certainly, sir.'

The team waited for about another ten minutes, constantly reassuring Steve that everything was going to go perfectly.

'Agent Romanoff has entered the building.' The tension in the room increased by about 100 as they waited for Natasha, but the elevator never arrived on Steve's floor.

'J, where's Natasha?' Tony asked.

'Miss Romanoff is currently on her floor.' Steve left for the stairs leading down to Natasha's room in a panic. She always went to his floor; something had to be wrong.

When he got there, her door was slightly ajar so he pushed it open gently. That's when he heard the shower through the open bathroom door. Amidst the running water Steve heard a small sob. He walked towards the bathroom, shedding his clothing in the process.

Natasha jumped when heard Steve come in.

'Steve, what are you doing here?' she said in a small voice, not turning to look at him.

'I was worried about you. You didn't come to my floor.'

'Sorry, it's just here was closer.' Her voice quivered as she spoke.

'Nat, what's wrong?' he tugged on her shoulder gently to coax her into facing him. When she did her eyes and nose were red, her lip shaking as fresh tears threatened to fall. Steve took her hands and pulled her softly towards him into an embrace.

'It was an old Red Room base.' Was all she could say before she began to sob freely into his chest. He hushed her, resting his chin on her red locks.

'It's all right, Natasha, you're safe. You're all right,' He murmured, 'I'm never going to let them hurt you again. You're safe.'

Once the spy calmed down a little Steve helped her out of the shower and into some comfortable clothes. Then he picked her up and tucked her up in bed. He got up to leave and call the party off upstairs when Natasha grabbed his arm.

'Please stay.' She murmured.

'Of course, love, I just need to get my things.' Steve replied before taking the elevator to his floor to grab his things and pass a message to the group upstairs via JARVIS. When he came back, Natasha was fast asleep. The soldier tucked himself behind her and soon began dreaming.

**I promise he'll propose soon! Tell me what you guys are thinking! :) x**


	38. Disconnected

**Hey gang, I know this is a bit overdue but hope you like it! I know I keep stopping Steve from proposing but he will! I promise! Enjoy and tell me what you think! x**

The second Natasha stirred, Steve was awake. He sighed and pulled her closer to him.

'Hey.' She murmured, her voice croaky with sleep.

'Hey,' his voice not much better, 'did you sleep?'

'Yeah, actually did.'

'Good.' Steve nuzzled her shoulder.

'I'm sorry about last night.' She said quietly.

'It's alright, these things happen.'

Natasha was quiet for a minute, just happy to be in her boyfriend's arms.

'I love you, Steve.'

'I love you too, 'Tasha.' Steve kissed her shoulder and she rolled over so that she was facing him and planted a chaste kiss on his lips.

'Do we have to do anything today?' She asked.

'Of course not. Fury would've called by now if he needed us, so as far as I'm concerned I get to spend a lazy day with the person I love the most.'

'You're so sappy.' Natasha said, only half meaning it.

'One of us has to be.' Steve retorted before pulling her even closer to him.

'How did you know I'd gotten back last night?'

'JARVIS told me.'

'Yeah but why did it bother you that I didn't come upstairs? Did you have something planned..?' She lazily raised her eyebrows in innuendo, teasing the soldier who'd gone a rather deep shade of pink - not for the reason Natasha assumed.

'Uh no, of course not,' he stammered, 'I just um, well I...'

'Use your words, soldier.' Natasha prodded.

'I just wanted to make sure you got back alright.'

'You're such a bad liar. Have I taught you nothing? Also, didn't we agree no more secrets?' She tilted her head up to look at her boyfriend expectantly.

'I just wanted to surprise you with a nice evening, you know.'

'That's it?'

'Yeah, what else would it be?' He laughed nervously.

'Hmmm...' Natasha frowned, 'fine. You're off the hook.'

'Then why am I still nervous?' Steve joked.

'I don't know, soldier, why are you?' Natasha countered in a menacing tone.

'Can we just go and get some breakfast?'

'Fine, where did you have in mind?'

'The usual diner?'

'Sounds like a plan.'

* * *

An couple of hours later, the soldier and spy found themselves strolling through Central Park - typical Steve choosing somewhere romantic. They soon found a bench and Natasha made herself comfortable, half sitting on Steve, forehead nestled in the crook of his neck, his arm around her waist, holding her to him.

'Can you believe our 3 year anniversary is coming up.' Steve said.

'Yeah.. We're practically married.' Natasha joked and Steve chuckled nervously, swallowing.

'So much has happened, I just can't believe it's gone so fast.' Steve sighed almost wistfully.

'It hasn't exactly been easy either,' Natasha added, 'but like you said a couple of years ago: we deserve this; what we have, together. It's the least the universe can give us after all the crap we've been through.' Steve hummed in agreement before completely changing the subject.

'D'you want to do something for our 3rd?'

'Why not? Have you got something in mind?'

'Sort of... I guess. I mean, I kind of have a plan that was meant to be a surprise but I wanted to check with you.'

'Sure, okay, I won't ask anything. Just tell me what to do and where to be.'

'Sounds good.' Steve smiled before kissed the spy on the forehead, 'I love you, Nat.'

'You too, Cap,' she pecked his lips, 'now what do you say we go and look after the child we've been neglecting all morning.'

'That's actually already been taken care of.'

'Steven, what have you done with our child?'

'Pietro and Wanda are taking him on a baby's day out so that we can have the day to ourselves for once.'

'Wow, you really do think of everything.' Natasha sighed before pulling Steve down to kiss her more fully. Steve pulled a way after a few moments.

'Nat, we're in public.'

'I don't care. People can leave if they're uncomfortable. I'm allowed to kiss my super hot boyfriend all I want.' She replied before kissing Steve more fiercely.

* * *

The pair shortly returned to the base to continue what they'd started in the park and afterwards curled up on Steve's sofa with the first season of The Walking Dead and two salad bowls (stolen from the kitchen upstairs) full of popcorn. Natasha was hell bent on getting Steve into it after he decided that Game of Thrones was a little violent. Plus, the only other good show he liked was Sherlock – he didn't get Doctor Who or Supernatural at all.

'Shane's such a jerk.' Steve mumbled after the few episodes.

'Yeah, it's only 'cause he's jealous of Rick though.'

'I guess. Does he die?'

'I'm not saying, Rogers,' Natasha said, mouth full of popcorn, 'you'll have to watch and find out.' Steve sighed, his curiosity eating away at him. Natasha smiled slightly, adoring how much Steve was already invested in the show – she'd have to get him the comics for Christmas.

When the twins returned that evening with James they found the pair fast asleep with Natasha using Steve as a pillow, snoring lightly. Wanda didn't have the heart to wake them.

**So...? I thought people would appreciate the other TV references (Nat is definitely a Superwholockian and an absolute film and TV NERD!)**


	39. Fidelity

'I can't believe you two have been together for that long.' Jane exclaimed. She, Natasha, Pepper, Darcy, Maria, Wanda and Bobbi were having brunch at their usual diner.

'Yep, three years today.' Natasha nodded.

'Shame Steve got amnesia on the same day...' Darcy said, earning a light chuckle from the table.

'Yeah, would've been awkward if he didn't still remember you.' Maria added.

'Haha, very funny, both of you.' Natasha said before taking a sip of coffee as their food finally arrived.

'It was a rocky start, wasn't it.' Pepper noted.

'I guess,' Natasha shrugged, speaking after swallowing a mouthful of pancake, 'but I couldn't imagine life without him. He's just-'

'Got an amazing ass.' Darcy finished for the spy.

'Oh my god not this again.' Maria sighed.

'I was gonna say incredible but that works... and hands of Lewis, that ass is mine!'

'Not until you're married to him!' She retorted.

'Yeah, speaking of, do you think he'll ask?' Bobbi interjected. Natasha went very quiet. The thought hadn't even occurred to her. Her and Steve were together in the most total way already that marriage had never been something that Natasha considered. They practically were already. As cliché as it sounded she'd never really thought a piece of paper and a couple of rings could make them any closer (if that were even possible). They didn't need that, as long as they had each other, it was enough... But thinking about it now, why shouldn't they get married?

'Nat?' Bobbi tried to get her friends attention.

'What? Oh, right,' the red head returned to reality, 'I've got no idea.'

'Come on! You must've thought about it! He must've!'

'You know, I'd never thought about it until just now. I know there's nothing I love more and he knows that too. I mean, we don't really need a piece of paper to prove our love; we've got James for that, and each other.'

'Urgh, since when did you become so romantic?' Groaned Maria.

'Steve's rubbing off on you,' Wanda smiled, 'but you really don't want to get married?'

'No, it's not that, I just...' She reflected for a moment, 'yeah, I guess it would be nice.' She smiled to herself, gazing down at her plate. Wanda exchanged looks with the other girls - a knowing look plastered on each of their faces.

* * *

Bucky and Steve were walking through the foyer to the elevator on their way upstairs for breakfast. They'd just been on a run to the compound just outside New York and back.

'So, you ready for tonight?' Bucky asked, wiping the sweat off his brow as Steve pressed the correct button and the elevator started moving upwards.

'As ready as I'll ever be, I guess.'

'She's gonna say yes, punk. You've got nothing to worry about.'

'I'm more worried about looking like an idiot or dropping the ring or something to be honest.'

'You won't. It'll be fine. Where are you taking her?'

'The restaurant we went to after 'Tasha met Peggy.' Bucky nodded.

'I assume Tony offered to pay?'

'Yeah, he did but I said no - he's already offered to pay for the potential wedding so it's the least I could do to pay for our anniversary dinner.'

'That's fair,' Bucky nodded again, 'you know he'll never let you right.'

'Yeah, I know.' Steve laughed. The elevator signaled their arrival to the top floor. They exited and walked down the corridor to the kitchen where Clint, Pietro, Tony, Bruce and Sam were already munching on breakfast.

'Hey, Cap!' Clint greeted, 'today's the big day.' Steve smiled proudly and nodded, taking a seat next to the archer.

'You nervous, Steve?' Bruce asked, passing him a plate with an egg and some toast on it.

'Of course not, Bruce,' Tony interrupted, 'the girl of his dreams is gonna say yes to spending the rest of her life with him. Just don't drop the ring, Capsicle.'

'Thanks, Tony.' Steve chuckled, rolling his eyes.

'I've sorted out the dinner tonight, by the way. All paid for.' The billionaire patted the Steve on the shoulder.

'Tony, you really don't have to.'

'No, Rogers, I want to.'

'At least let me help out or pay you back for the ring or something? I don't know how you found it.'

'No way. Steve, you're family. You're the one of the few good things that came from my dad and I want to honour that. You're like my brother, man - it's the least I can do after everything you've done for me; for all of us.' Everyone was quiet after Tony's mini outburst. Then Steve spoke.

'Thank you, Tony. That means a lot.' He stood up to shake the mechanic's hand but he pulled the soldier into a hug instead. After a brief silence, conversation resumed.

'So, Steve, should we set up back here for a party?' Sam asked eagerly and Steve laughed.

'I'll keep you posted.' The soldier replied as he got up to leave and shower. 'Now I'm going to spend the rest of the day mentally preparing.' He earned a collective laugh. 'Tony, thank Pepper from me for keeping her busy today and getting her to buy a dress!'

'You got it, Cap!'

* * *

Natasha exited her fitting room, all six girls expectantly perched on the bench outside. They gasped simultaneously when they saw Natasha appeared in a fitted black lace black dress with sleeves that went from her wrists to her collar. It was short but not too short - perfect for her.

'Nat you look...just...' Pepper was literally speechless.

'Pep, remind me why we're dress shopping and I'm the only one buying anything.'

'I told you - we're having a big party for your birthday next month and I wanted to find you something to wear.'

'What about the others?'

'We've already got stuff. Now take the complement!' Darcy said - her nervousness curbed by her pure admiration - Darcy, like Pepper already knew what was going on because Bruce had spilled the beans about the mini mishap (sort of) a few weeks back and she didn't want to give anything away, as she was so prone to doing.

'Sorry! Thanks Pep.' Natasha said bashfully, 'so should I get it?'

'Is that even a question?!' Darcy exclaimed.

When Natasha returned to her apartment to hang the dress up a small piece of card slipped out from between the folds of the dress as she pulled it out of the bag. She hung it up in her wardrobe and then picked up the note. It read:

_Wear me tonight._

_-S x_

**Soon! I hope you liked this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Do let me know what you think! x**


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